If you can’t beat Sanjaya, San-join him
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- March
- 21
A weird feeling has overcome me in the last week. It’s a feeling of masochism, perhaps. But there’s something fun about rooting for the beleaguered Sanjaya Malakar in “American Idol.”
After last night’s crazy, unleashed performance of “You Really Got Me,” Malakar reduced one young girl to tears. (Then again, almost everything made that poor girl cry; her friend could have said, “Hey, you want a tuna sandwich?” and she would have needed a box of Kleenex. At first I laughed, then I felt bad for her because the director wouldn’t stop cutting to her weepy façade.)
And as much flak as he’s taken over the last few weeks, Malakar put forth his best performance since his original audition. It was the first time America’s ever seen him not appear meek. Were the vocals fantastic? Hardly. Throw those vocals into the throat of one of the other finalists, it’s a meltdown. But by his standards, it was a tour de force.
Perhaps Malakar is savvier than he lets on: Set the bar low at first, then blow the audience out of the water by relatively fantastic performances—even if in reality they’re only mediocre. Pretty sly, Sanjaya. Or should I say… San-sly-a?
Oh, also, his 20-year-old sister, shown in the audience last night, is beautiful. Plus, I liked her voice the first time. Is it too late to replace Haley Scarnato—or, heck, Sanjaya Malakar—with Shyamali Malakar?
And would it really be so awful to send home a few of the middle-of-the-pack people who have no shot of winning anyway? You know, the Phil Staceys and Gina Glocksens of the world. It would certainly help my “American Idol” pool out a lot. Predicting this sustained wave of inexplicable success before the finals, I have Sanjaya finishing seventh overall—unfairly ahead of LaKisha Jones because America is not fair.
Anyway, enough about the best performance from the worst contestant. We’ve got rankings and predictions to which to attend!
1. Melinda Doolittle: Completely agree with Simon Cowell on this one. The first half of her song was dull, but she really sang impeccably to close the show. Still, only the third-best performance of the night.
2. Jordin Sparks: To quote the late, great Chris Farley: “Holy shnikies.” The passion with which she sang last night was amazing. Don’t let last week fool you; this girl can SING. My favorite performance of the night.
3. Blake Lewis: This guy is an absolute charmer. Yes, he does the same dance moves every night. Yes, an arbitrary beat box is incorporated into every song. And yes, his voice is just above average. Don’t care. The guy is magic on stage.
4. LaKisha Jones: I think it’s funny that the first time I enjoyed KiKi’s song—Shirley Bassey’s “Diamonds Are Forever”—the judges and my friends disagreed.
5. Chris Sligh: Good, not great. It was probably a mistake to spend half of his song squeezing through an awkward row of the crowd. What’s wrong with the front row? Unlike the four contestants I’ve ranked above him, he has yet to have a breakthrough performance.
6. Chris Richardson: Yes, mark it down: March 21. The first (and probably last) day I rank Chris Richardson ahead of Stephanie Edwards. His ballad, while still faltering in tune, was actually quite pleasant. Likely because there weren’t any ugly vocal runs or herky-jerky dance moves that make Taylor Hicks look like Baryshnikov.
7. Stephanie Edwards: I was shocked that Edwards was so off-key last night. Inexplicable… and, right or wrong, she might go home tonight as a result.
8. Phil Stacey: The vocals were OK, but Simon nailed it: I just didn’t “believe” his performance. He wasn’t edgy; he came off as goofy.
9, 10 and 11 (tie): Haley Scarnato, Gina Glocksen and Sanjaya Malakar: If I had less integrity, I’d give Scarnato 9th place outright because she looked cute last night. But I’m all about integrity. You know, because I proclaim the greatness of a contestant due to his attractive sister. Totally reputable journalism.
It could be Phil Stacey or Gina Glocksen heading home tonight, but I predict that Stephanie Edwards, in a shocker, will be cut—prolonging Sanjaya’s stay. I seriously doubt America will Send-jaya home this week.
(Photo courtesy of FOX)
This entry was posted
on Wednesday, March 21st, 2007 at 10:31 am by Chris Serico.
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