Well, we knew the first thing wouldn’t happen. There’s too many hours left in the season for Jack to have met his untimely demise last night.
And Audrey being saved, well, I have two words about that and they rhyme with “Drain Bamage.”
OK, so let’s start, as usual, with Jack and then deal with the rest of the stuff (Karen fired Bill!? Bitch.)
So the night’s most unrealistic moment (for 24, anyhow) was that Doyle managed to drive up to the motel and spot Jack’s (well, it was Doyle’s, but possession is 9/10ths of the law or whatever) car (which Blogs4Bauer points out is a Japanese car, while the Chinese are driving American cars. Go figure.). I did not believe for a half a second that Jack wouldn’t have noticed Doyle driving up.
Speaking of, Doyle channeled Jack a bit to get the car he drove up in Ã¢â‚¬â€ standing in the middle of the 118, waving his arms, stopping people. Loved how he told the guy in the car he was a federal agent and needed to commandeer the car, just pulling him out of the car and tossing him onto the ground. In the middle of the road. On a California freeway. Hah. I admit that while Doyle’s no Jack, they’re certainly trying to set him up as a replacement Jack.
Anyway, back to Jack. He disables the tracking device. Starts ordering Chang around. You are powerless to resist the orders of Jack Bauer. Sets up the swap. Preps the C4 for detonation. Calls Bill’s voice mail (was anyone else startled when Jack got voice mail when he called Bill, before you realized he specifically wanted to get Bill’s voice mail? I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone’s voice mail pick up on 24 before. Another thing that makes the show totally different than real life) and leaves a heartbreaking message. Why does Jack love Audrey so much? Bring back Kate Warner!
By the way, have I mentioned yet today that Jack has gone rogue? (Still can’t say that enough!)
OK. So everything is going as planned, then Doyle and CTU start firing automatic weapons and bring in the helicopters IMMEDIATELY AFTER Jack tosses the actual computer chip/board/whateveritis to the Chinese guy. Nice timing, Doyle. I think I’m going to start calling you Ricky again. You totally destroyed any good will you engendered from pulling that guy out of his car.
Why doesn’t everyone do what Jack says? Even Audrey, in her utter drain bamage-ness, knew enough to listen to Jack. Of course, she thinks that everyone is either Jack or someone who’ll torture her. If only they’d keep listening to him, everything would turn out fine. Of course, this was the one time we were rooting for them not to obey Jack, because obeying him would have ostensibly meant his death.
OK, so Jack’s arrested (again Ã¢â‚¬â€ how many times over six seasons has he been arrested or “taken into custody” or fired or something to that effect?). Audrey’s totally batty. Doyle/Ricky screwed up the whole plan.
So back at CTU, Chloe and Morris totally annoyed the crap out of me. Morris is a whiny little boy. And Chloe’s right.
Don’t arm nuclear weapons for terrorists.
Oh, waah, waah, Bill, I can’t work with Chloe anymore. She hurted my feelings.
In our other soap opera at CTU, Nadia continues not being mean to Doyle/Ricky, which continues to upset Milo/Idiotboy. Reign in your jealousy, boys! The safety of the world is at stake! Put it back in your pants and rumble later, after Jack’s saved the world.
As for Milo, the jury’s still out on whether he’s a mole, but I’m starting to think he’s far too much of a jealous idiotboy to actually be a mole. I’m leaning toward Tom Lennox, now. In this episode, he wasted all the good will he’d engendered in me from the last several episodes. Between his willingness to not rat out Daniels and his flippant attitude about how Karen should fire Bill, he was unpleasant Ã¢â‚¬â€ as unpleasant as he was at the beginning of the season.
And now that we know there’s a spy (guess they got tired of using the word mole), I’m thinking it’s Tom. He’s very good at covert methods (getting that recording of Daniels), pretending to go along with people (Reed Pollock), ratting out the right people at the right time (Reed Pollock). All very spy/mole-like behaviors. But what do I know? It’s probably Karen. Or Kim Bauer. Or not.
That brings us over to the White House.
Show of hands Ã¢â‚¬â€ whose skin crawled when Daniels and Lisa kissed?
Wait a minute Ã¢â‚¬â€ I just had a brainstorm. Lisa is the spy. Seriously. I bet when she goes home to get a “change of clothes” she hooks up with her honey. I read that some guy who used to be on “Stargate: SG-1 plays her lover, and that ain’t Vice President Cy Tolliver. She goes home, gets a change, hooks up with her real honey, tells him she has to spend the night with the acting president in order to keep doing her spy thing.
So that leaves us with Karen and Bill. Now, from a purely dispassionate standpoint, she was between a rock and a hard place. But she could have fallen on her sword for Bill. She could have even offered to fall on her sword for Bill and let him talk her out of it.
But she fired him?
That’s just cold.
This does leave Bill free, however, to go rogue, hopefully with Jack. He went rogue a little bit last season (was that only last season), after Karen took over CTU temporarily and Ã¢â‚¬â€ wait, didn’t she fire him last season?
So there we are.
Bill’s out of the loop. Nadia’s in charge of CTU. Milo’s pouting. Morris is crying. Chloe’s being rather Chloe-like (someone give her a Taser!). Doyle’s half good, half Ricky-like. Jack’s still alive, but in custody. Audrey’s alive, but totally drain-bamaged. Karen’s a beyotch. Tom Ã¢â‚¬â€ or Lisa Ã¢â‚¬â€ is a spy. Daniels is a horndog. Ick.
All in all, rather silly.
Photos courtesy of Fox.