Last night’s episode of “24” was one of the best this season. For all of you whiners complaining that the show might have jumped the shark, shaddup! Jack Bauer did last night what he does best — singlehandedly killing upwards of a dozen terrorists shooting at him with automatic weapons, not a single bullet even grazing him.

Before I get on with today’s recap, I must remind you all that this season has been textbook “24.”

Somewhere in the middle of the season, whatever seems like the main point of the season becomes a prelude to absolute insanity (for the ultimate, see Season 2’s explosion of a nuclear bomb in the middle of the desert at about the midpoint). Everything we think each season is about completely changes and all the former bad guys become only sort of bad guys, because the real bad guys come out of the woodwork.

Which, speaking of, the Chinese have gotta be out of their minds. Adam on The Jack Sack expresses this ever-so-eloquently, so I’m not even gonna discuss this further.

“24” jumps the shark EVERY season. That’s part of what “24” does (cougar bait, anyone? Actually, any scene Kim Bauer is in, anyone?). But the fact of the matter is, Jack Bauer doesn’t really jump the shark so much as torture it. He’s midair over the carniverous beast when he lets go of the tow rope, lands on its head and kills it with his bare hands, while first making it confess where Jaws is.

All that said, let’s start at the beginning.

First off, Muppet Baby Palmer has suddenly grown a huge, teflon-coated, titanium alloy pair. What? While I admit that the fake nuke was a bit of genius, it was insane genius. Yes, it worked brilliantly, getting the government of the unnamed Middle Eastern country (let’s just call it MidEastistan) to suddenly realize one of their top generals is in cahoots with Fayed (calling the shots, actually) and take him into custody. Whew! World War III narrowly averted.

Muppet Baby also is completely insane, asking for a third shot of adrenaline. When he sent the ambassador away, it became rather obvious he was about to collapse. In the most shocking turn of events, I’ve completely become a fan of Tom Lennox, who has gone from being an utter slimy weasel to being the most stand-up guy in the show. Other than Jack and maybe Doyle. And Chloe, though she’s barely been on this season! I think Lennox is the new Mike Novick.

I think Palmer wants the Veep to resign (next week’s preview) because he’s afraid he’s going to die and he doesn’t want Cy Tolliver to be president (Al Swearengen, maybe; not Tolliver).

Meanwhile, over at the torture kitchen, Jack and Doyle are smacking Fayed around. Well, Jack’s smacking Fayed around (for fun, really, because he already knows Fayed’s not going to break) while Doyle looks on admiringly. They are SO setting Doyle up to be the new Jack.

Doyle did get a little ticked off, though, because Jack was having all the fun and he didn’t get to throw any punches. Did Jack knee/kick Fayed in the crotch? I couldn’t quite tell. Fayed sure reacted as if that happened.

Doyle just kept all but begging Jack to let him have a few minutes with Fayed. I haven’t seen anyone that anxious to torture someone since Jack last tortured Nina Myers. And she died in Season 3.

Jack and Doyle made such a cute CTU team. Their little exchange over the efficacy of pharmaceutical torture was just adorable. (Jack’s a fan, Doyle not so much; though that could have just been part of the ruse for Fayed to think he was actually being rescued. I’m betting Doyle could have some fun with pharma.)

When he and Doyle popped up after the fake rescue, it was definitely a jolt. I have to admit, I didn’t see it coming — I’d thought Jack had a bullet-proof vest on, but I couldn’t figure out why he’d be laying down so long. Silly me, I worried for a moment about our teflon hero. I forgot the cardinal rule of “24” — bullets are afraid of Jack.

Jack got to use two Bauerisms in one scene when he’s UNDERNEATH THE MOVING GARBAGE TRUCK and calling CTU to tell them where he is, then loses his phone:

Do you copy?

and

Dammit!

Jack manages to get to Fayed’s hideout, take out every single freakin’ terrorist with his pistol while they use their AK47s or whatever automatic weapons they had on hand, then — with his bare hands, natch — kill Fayed. Again, the line of the night came in that scene, as Jack hoists Fayed up, choked and twisted in industrial-strength chain:

Say hello to your brother.

Remember, Jack is said to have killed Fayed’s younger brother, thus Fayed’s jihad is not only against the U.S., but more specifically against Jack, and he’d never rest until Jack was dead.

So Jack beats him to it (and, I noticed, BITES Fayed. His second bite of the season!). As Doyle says after he gets there and surveys the scene:

Damn, Jack.

No kidding. Jack has totally recovered from his torture in China and has no problems doing what needs to be done. I got chills — chills, I tell you! — seeing him tail Fayed through whatever warehouse that was to get to the garbage truck. It was like the old days.

But, somehow, the Chinese seem to know that this whole crisis is over, so now it’s time for them to pull out their trump card: Audrey! She’s alive! (Though we knew that was coming.)

So the Chinese have found a way to reneg on their deal to release Jack. They’re still really freakin’ ticked off at Jack for violating the sanctity of their embassy back in Season 4. Obviously, they want Jack (dead, probably) and will use Audrey to get him.

Last night’s comic relief was true to form, too, with Milo totally being bratty and junior high-ish about the fact that Nadia doesn’t hate Doyle like he does. When Nadia asked him to do whatever technical thingy it was that she asked him to do and he refused, he was just being such the petulant child that I almost fell off the sofa, laughing.

He can’t deal with the fact that Nadia asked Doyle if he needed medical attention because he’s bleeding? What, Milo thinks Doyle should bleed to death? (Apparently, yes.) Wonderful, typical “24” silly soap-opera diversion that helps cut the tension. Last night had enough tension in it that silly soap opera-ness was totally needed. Though I’m not even sure why Morris had to even open his mouth.

WHERE WAS CHLOE? She had what, one line in the episode? I’m very disappointed with how the writers have been treating our lady this season. She is the prototype of the character I hated out of the gate but grew to love (Tom Lennox is the new Chloe?).

Jack is back and 1 billion Chinese had better watch out next week.