Hey gang! In a fit of inspiration—and desperation due to an unproductive sick day—I’ve decided to live-blog tonight’s episode of “Top Chef.” Join me, won’t you?

10:01 – “Previously on ‘Top Chef,’” Joey gets weepy, Hung’s less creepy and Sara M. is … still here why exactly?

10:03 – Mmm… Cold Stone. Regretfully, the objective isn’t “Tonight’s challenge is to send all of this ice cream to Chris Serico. You have negative-10 minutes. Your time begins… now!”

10:04 – This quick-fire challenge requires contestants to WHO CARES? There’s ice cream!!! Mmm… ice cream.

10:05 – Hung breaks out the “any monkey can…” remark again, and cauliflower for his ice cream. Only Marcel’s avacado and bacon ice cream seems more misguided.

10:06 – Casey makes a chili-like ice cream. Move over, Hung and Marcel!

10:07 – Hung actually laughs, appears to acknowledge that the chance he took was ridiculous. Since the Joey debacle, Hung actually appears to be a lot more humble.

10:08 – Guest chef Govind Armstrong picks Dale as the winner, perhaps to put runner-up Howie on the spot for a meltdown later in the show.

10:09 – The chefs get a “reward” and get to go out on a night on the town. Smells fishy.

10:09 – Dale hearts Sara N. and vice versa.

10:10 – Howie has “grown out” of fun, apparently. Casey looks hot.

10:11 – Great big CJ enters the limo with a great big “Hey nooooow!” He’s the most likable contestant, in my opinion.

10:11 – They meet up at the club—where they find Padma and the guest chef.

10:16 – The challenge involves making food for real-time bloggers late-night partiers. Sara M. makes fun of the other two contestants for their “cleavage.” Don’t player-hate, Sara M.!

10:17 – Dale has the night off and gets to eat with the guest chef.

10:17 – Team Orange: Howie, CJ, Casey and Sara N. (who won’t stop moping) versus Team Black: Sara M., Hung, Brian and Tre. My money would be on the first team, but since I saw the previews for this week, I’m not so sure.

10:20 – I’m normally on Howie’s side, but he’s EXTRA cranky tonight. Could be interesting.

10:24 – Dale has dinner-for-two with Govind Armstrong. Ah, the good life.

10:25 – The Black Team is jelling and laughing. Team Orange: Not so much.

10:26 – Coming up, we see two of the teams’ sales pitches: Brian’s “GRITS! GRITS! GRITS!” chant versus CJ’s mumblefest about a ceviche taco. This might be the most obvious conclusion in show history.

10:30 – Promo for Tim Gunn’s new solo series. This guy is one of the coolest on TV. “Carry on!”

10:32 – Sara N. orders some whine with her too-thick milkshake.

10:34 – Ted Allen shows up. He was always my favorite mentor on “Queer Eye” and adds a ton to the show as a judge with witty one-liners.

10:36 – What chef would you most like to share a midnight snack with, asks Bravo in on online poll. The choices: Brian, Casey, CJ or Tre? Sorry, Seej. I have to go with Casey on this one. Way cute. Although my favorite eye candy this season was Lia, who was kicked off a few weeks ago. Did you SEE her in the brown dress—literally with her hair down—on the three-season reunion special? NICE.

10:42 – The judges deliberate. Very little appears to be unanimous.

10:43 – Total shocker: The Black Team wins. Now arriving in Duhville. Population: You.

10:44 – Tre wins. He’s very good and could be the odds-on favorite at this point.

10:46 – Sara N. feels like the challenge is “demoralizing,” citing her outfit as a reason. You’re the one who put it on!

10:48 – Howie calls out Sara N. Casey plays dumb and claims she “would have jumped in there” to help her if she knew something were wrong with something that was going on right in front of her. Shady.

10:48 – Sara N. is surprised yet again. If Casey’s playing dumb, Sara N.’s taking it to a whole new level. Howie goes for the jugular after she calls him out.

10:49 – Sara N. starts weeping. CJ takes her side. Howie quasi-apologizes for the way his “baby of the house” comment comes across.

10:50 – Ted accurately calls out Sara N. for her BS outfit excuse. “You can’t cook because you don’t like your outfit?” Maybe if your name’s Carson Kressley, but otherwise no. Reason No. 294 why Ted’s awesome: He agrees with me.

10:51 – Sara N.’s waterworks continue. Excuses abound. Commercial time!

10:55 – CJ wins the poll with 36 percent. I won’t protest. He seems like a genuinely nice guy.

10:57 – Tom calls out Casey for being oblivious. CJ’s leadership skills were questioned. Sara N.’s foods are blasted. Howie’s labeled a grump. The judges believe the last two are most to blame.

10:58 – Sara N. is sent home. Rightfully so.

10:59 – Sara N. said she might have been “too nice” and declared that there’s “a fine line between being competitive and being an a———.” I agree that Sara N. is nice, but are those violins I hear?

10:59 – Next week’s episode: The final eight contestants run a restaurant and Brian looks frazzled.