Britney bombs at the VMAs
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- September
- 10
Oh, Britney.
You poor, drugged-up sad little puppy.
Last night was the former Mouseketeer’s big chance to rise above all the gossipers (myself included) who’ve been calling her the mother of all train wrecks, a washed-up pop tart, a horrible mother.
Well, maybe an awesome opening performance at MTV’s Video Music Awards wouldn’t have wiped out that last criticism, but I was actually rooting for Brit-Brit to step onto that stage and reclaim her pop princess title.
But talk about pressure: She didn’t need to come up with a good routine, or even a great one.
Britney needed to put on a mind-blowing show that caused the audience’s collective jaw to drop—then give her a standing ovation.
Well, my jaw certainly dropped. At how stunningly horrible she was.
(Go to “MTV.com”:http://www.mtv.com/overdrive/?id=1568786&vid=173440 to watch, if you missed it.)
I mean, Britney was SO bad she had celebs like Rihanna actually laughing at her. When the cameras cut to 50 Cent, he looked like he wanted to bolt from his table to avoid ANY kind of association with the onstage debacle.
Forget the fact that Britney couldn’t pull herself together enough to lip-synch her latest song, “Gimme More,” correctly.
Or that her hair looked as if someone had grabbed clippings from the floor of the nearest salon and Scotch taped them to her scalp.
Or that she was stuffed into a Bedazzled black bikini that gave her thunder thighs.
Yes, the mother of two has a bod that most women would be more than happy with, but let’s face it: Hollywood’s a harsh place, and Britney’s made a career out of flaunting her assets.
Unfortunately, she needs to realize that she’s not 18 anymore, she’s had two children, and her not-so-toned tummy needs to be tucked away.
But here’s the part that really saddened me.
Her dancing—how shall I put it nicely—sucked.
You never watched Britney perform and thought, wow, she’s got a great set of pipes. You counted on her to rip her pants off, writhe around with a snake and make out with Madonna.
In short, to PERFORM.
Last night, Britney must have taken one too many Xanax because she was sleepwalking around the stage.
She was so unfocused and sloppy that when one move called for her to fall back and caught by her male dancers, I actually thought that she was passing out.
(Which, I’m sure, would have been the money shot on the front page of every tabloid in the world today…)
AND by the way, where exactly were these supposed illusions choreographed by magician Chriss Angel?
The two were reportedly working together on Britney’s show, and “the (N.Y.) Daily News”:http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2007/09/10/2007-09-10_britney_spears_behaves_but_mtv_comeback_.html says that Angel was at the awards show, but there wasn’t a magic trick in sight.
So Britney certainly didn’t deliver a comeback routine. In fact, she may have doomed herself completely.
And I even had to boo Sarah Silverman in her monologue after Britney left the stage: Her comments were so mean—going after someone’s kids isn’t edgy, it’s just plain nasty—that it was like Silverman was kicking an injured dog lying in the gutter.
Here’s hoping Britney gets well soon. Check yourself back into rehab, honey: Maybe watching a replay of your performance will shock you into getting the help you need.
After all, if the threat of possibly losing her children hasn’t brought her to her senses, maybe the threat of losing her career will.
(Photos by the Associated Press)
This entry was posted
on Monday, September 10th, 2007 at 9:20 am by Heather Salerno.
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Britney might have been horrible, but Sarah Silverman was 2x as bad. What a disaster. She killed. Someone take her away in chains. She makes comedy look bad. Kathy Griffin would have been such a better choice.
LAME VMAs!
Heh Sarah Silverman is ballsy, she goes straight for the jugular and don’t give a damn. She is to be admired.
Whatever, Britney is still good, Silvermann GO TO HELL
Britney is still Britney .Hot. Hate her,bad “pen” her. We LOVE her.Go Britney go.