Holy smoke monster! Is “Lost” on a roll or what?!?

We’re only four episodes into the new season, and already we’ve identified most of the Oceanic 6, why Future Kate isn’t in jail and who the mysterious man is waiting for her back at home.

Okay, maybe not a man, but you know, little boy, same difference.

(For the love of Sawyer, stop reading now if you don’t want last night’s episode completely spoiled! Do I really have to keep telling you this?!?)

Yes, my friends, the “him” Kate had to get back to in May’s flash-forward finale is —tah-dah—AARON!!!! (And kudos to all you smarty-pants who nailed that one!)

Which obviously begs the question: What the hell happened to CLAIRE?

Clearly, Claire doesn’t make it off the island, so is she one of the two Oceanic survivors whom Jack said Kate tried to save after the crash? (Ooh, Dr. Shephard, you are a liar-liar-pants-on-fire…)

That’s right, we got some more tidbits about the major, major fibs that the Sixers have had to tell the world. According to Jack’s testimony at Kate’s trial, there were EIGHT survivors (lie), they landed in the water (another lie), he was hurt very badly (big fat lie) and that Kate was a hero trying to save them all (super-duper lie).

I’m totally fascinated by the specificity of the story the Sixers have been forced to tell.

Obviously we knew they were going to have to say that no one else survived the crash, but why EIGHT survivors with two dead? (Aside from it being one of the numbers and all…) Why did Kate have to come home as a hero? Why the water, not the beach? Are they trying to deny that they ever found land at all?

But let’s back-track with the flash-forward: Glam Kate now is one of the world’s most famous women, hence the mega-paparazzi at her trial. Jack lies for her as a character witness, and she gets off because her dying mom refuses to testify against her. (Side note: I’m no lawyer, but it seems that they could force dear ol’ mom to testify, especially if she’s already given a statement to the police about Kate’s confession, but who am I to rock the “Lost” boat?)

Clearly, the whopping info of the night is that Kate has somehow become a post-island mommy to Aaron. But before that big revelation, there’s a telling exchange between Kate and Jack at the courthouse.

Jack still loves Kate, but he can’t bring himself to see the baby. Man, some bad poo-poo must have really gone down when the Sixers made their devil’s deal to get home, which I’m guessing possibly involved the death of Claire.

So here’s a question that’s been bugging me: Does Jack know that Aaron’s his nephew? Did he find out before Claire died (or whatever happened to her) that she’s his sister? Forgot that family connection for a minute, didn’t ya? I didn’t remember myself until I was in the shower this morning.

Whatever happened, Kate’s become a ferocious mama bear. It seemed that she would do anything to protect Aaron, taking a deal to never leave the state if it meant staying out of jail to be with him. Her reunion scene as Aaron’s waking up was heartbreaking.

(P.S. Anyone else notice the decorative theme of Aaron’s room? The walls were painted to look like a blue sky with clouds, and the paintings on the wall were of jungle animals. Sorry, Kate, that’s a tad bit weird…)

Back on the beach, however, Kate gets into a showdown with Locke and Miles. In order to find out if the freighters know her criminal past, she makes a deal with Miles: One minute with Ben, so she breaks Miles out of the boathouse for a meeting.

And what does Miles want with Ben? To extort him for $3.2 million dollars. Huh? And how glad were you that Ben said what we were all thinking: Why 3.2, why not 3.1 or 3.3? But what really had us all scratching out heads is Miles’ insinuation that Ben is some kind of super-rich dude with super powers, right?

Anyway, Miles gives Ben a week to get the money together. Locke get pissed when he finds them all in the basement prison and banishes Kate from Othersville (although she doesn’t leave before getting some nookie from Sawyer). Then he punishes Miles by putting a live grenade in his mouth.

Whoa—anyone else thinking Locke is going a bit cuckoo crazy?

What’s with all this “I am the keeper of the island” and “This is not a democracy” business?

He’s freaking me out a bit, honestly. This isn’t the mystic man we know and love; Locke now seems like he’s drunk with power.

If that wasn’t enough to boggle the mind, the show then left us with one last brain-buster: The helicopter with Frank, Desmond and Sayid never reached the freighter.

We’ll find out more about that next week, with a Desmond-centric episode—which I’m guessing will address the time travel issue once again.

Peace out, Lost-philes, and please discuss more below. Come on, what do you all think happened to Claire?

(Photos courtesy of ABC and Lost Media.)