5 ways to trim the Oscars to 2 hours

February

I was one of the few to enjoy last night’s Oscar ceremony—Jon Stewart, in particular—but in keeping with the medium it honors, the proceedings should be limited to just over two hours, tops. With last night’s show lasting just under three-and-a-half hours, here’s how to get the ceremony closer to the length of a Best Picture nominee:

1. Combine the categories of sound mixing and sound editing. Especially since “The Bourne Ulimatum” won both categories last night. Plus, do all Academy voters know—or care—about the difference between the two? (Time saved: 5 minutes.) Or better yet…

2. Designate the sound and visual effects categories to “ceremonies held earlier.” Sorry, but no one outside your families cares. First indicator: When Jonah Hill and Seth Rogen completely ignore the category content and riff about being Dame Judy Dench and Halle Berry before presenting sound awards. (Time saved: 10 minutes.)

3. Get rid of the self-indulgent speech by the Academy president. Sorry, but no one, including your family, cares. Kudos to Jon Stewart’s knowing grin and sarcastic assessment about the segment’s “interesting” content. (Time saved: 5 minutes.)

4. Song nominations should receive the same montage treatment as any other category. I love music—and appreciate the work of composers like North Salem resident Alan Menken—but this isn’t a Grammy ceremony. Performing each song in its entirety was also particularly unusual, considering Best Picture nominee montages were nonexistent this year. Treat the song category like any other Oscar and show 15 to 30 seconds of each in context of their movies before announcing the award. (Time saved: 30 minutes.)

5. Eliminate the “funny” montages altogether. The funny should happen in only three places: the host’s monologue, the host’s off-the-cuff remarks in between awards and the unintentional comedy of the unexpected, i.e. someone coming up to accept an award while holding a creepy puppet. (Time saved: 25 minutes… or it least it seems that way.)

Since implementing the second idea would render the first idea moot, the combination of Nos. 2 through 5 would cut the broadcast by 1 hour and 10 minutes, which would have resulted in a broadcast lasting just over 2 hours. To quote one of Kevin Spacey’s Oscar-winning performances, “I rule!”

Got more bright ideas? Post them in the comments section below.

This entry was posted on Monday, February 25th, 2008 at 11:52 am by Chris Serico.
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2 Responses to “5 ways to trim the Oscars to 2 hours”

Jack Bauer February 26th, 2008 at 9:25 am
1) Cut the number of awards shows we have to endure
(Time Saved: 45 Hours)
Chris Serico February 28th, 2008 at 5:12 pm
Hmm… 45 hours? That’s almost two seasons of your show, Jack. I’m hoping you spend your time fighting other nemeses. It’d be a lot more interesting.

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