How can it be over so soon? A five-episode mini-season after a five-month hiatus is way too small a 30 Rock  fix.

But over it is, and after 472 A-list guest stars—including the episode’s eponymous character, played by Matthew Broderick—explorations of pornography, parenthood, geopolitics, corporate power struggles, old boyfriends and a dashed Olympic dream, summer is upon us.

We learned Liz is ready to be a mom, even if it’s to the Beeper Prince. Jack is ready to fight for control of GE, even if it means turning the entire Pentagon gay. Tracy is the father of the year because he found a way to combine video games and adult movies. Also, Kenneth is fluent in Chinese.

The contrast was stark between The Office, where not much happened and the laughs were drown out by unfulfilled anticipation, an 30 Rock, which never, ever has an off episode.

Jack’s in Washington, D.C. now, oversee Homeland Security, weather preparedness and the war on the poor. Or poverty. Let’s go with that. Liz is back in New York, munching on her Sabor de Soledad puffs and coming to grips with the fact that her mentor is gone for good. GE’s got nothing to offer Jack, not as long as CEO Don Geiss is in a coma and his weird mute daughter is in charge. The cryogenecists are sharpening their saws for the old man. And now it’s time for Jack’s Freedom Search. snap!

Tracy is inventing Gorgasm: The Legend of Dongslayer is coming along, but the Korean animators have the wizard nipples all wrong. What’s it like, Tracy, to be the only one who cares about your job when everyone around you is goofing off like a bunch of goof-offs? Liz knows. Wait, when was her last woman times?

As she pores over her birth control pills, Cerie points out how you’re supposed to take those. Liz doesn’t need tips. She’s been sexually active since she was 25.

Kenneth wants Pete to give him a recommendation letter so he can be an Olympic page in Beiging. It’s his dream. Pete almost went to the Olympics once, but Jimmy Carter decided to boycott the Moscow games and his archery team didn’t make it. Peanut farmer. Pete in a 70s mustache and kinky hair was a thing of horrid awesomeness.

The Olympic applications were due that day, not in two weeks like the memo Donny the Evil Head Page sent Kenneth. “Saboteur!” Kenneth says, kind of French-like. Looks like he’ll be in New York all summer, fighting the crowds and smelling the hot garbage while Donny’s in Beiging (where it’s not also crowded and smelly?). The day’s not over, though.

We see Jack walking into a wreck of a government office. Cooter Burger, vice chairman of farm subsidies, acting head of FEMA and temporary acting head of the FTC while the acting head is on trial, greets him. There haven’t been a lot of shakeups. It’s just that the administration has been streamlined. It’s an exciting time. With the election, the press has all but forgotten them. Jack likes to think of the president not as a lame duck but as a lame eagle.

The ceiling appears to be leaking, but it’s been looked at and it’s not. Cooter can show him the study. They also have no pens, but we’re not in a recession. They have a meeting with the appropriations committee, but Jack’s not prepared. Cooter’s not drunk either.

Back in New York, Liz takes four pregnancy tests. All come up aces. So she heads to Jack’s office, as usual, but it’s crazy Cathy Geiss’s office now. Cathy takes a Matchbox car out of her mouth. Liz’ll come back. Cathy puts the car back in her mouth. Wow.

Meanwhile, Jenna and Grizz are recording pornographic voice-overs for Tracy’s game. (There’s a sentence I never expected I’d type.) Jenna’s overthinking it, Tracy tells her. He doesn’t need another Judy Dench situation. She works in her robot voice, like she’s telling a secret. And she’s got her sounds down pat. Time to hit record. Whoops.

Liz, desperate for advice, leaves Jack a message. She’s got news.

At the committee meeting, a request for dam assistance is opposed because dam is a swear word. The congressman will support a God-finger, though. Jack makes his pitch for pens, and is inspirational.

Kenneth is still sweating his essay. Jenna tracks him down after she had to put on her jeans without his help. Just then Donny pops out. Did someone say Donny? Um, no. I was really impressed with his and Kenneth’s command of Chinese. Not so much with Jenna’s. And Donny’s not so good at graceful exits.

Kenneth isn’t the braggy type. But can he be the backdoor braggy type?

Kenneth: What’s a backdoor brag?
Jenna: Sneaking something wonderful about yourself into everyday conversation. Like when I tell people it’s hard for me to watch American idol because I have perfect pitch.
Kenneth: Eeewww.
Jenna: Now you try.
Kenneth: It’s hard for me to watch American Idol because there’s a waterbug on my channel changer. It’s no use!

Cooter is smitten with Jack, who learned everything he knows from Geiss. Cooter hasn’t been this energized since the two weeks when they tried to teach them Farsi. Just then Jonathan calls to say Geiss spoke. He said Jackie Boy. Jack’s got to quit and go back to New York, but Cooter won’t accept it.

“But we were going to do great things together. Look, the leak stopped.” It didn’t. And there’s a candle in that lamp.

Jack can’t believe he’s trapped. Cooter has resigned daily for the last two years, sometimes in ketchup and leak-water. But now Jack’s here and they have pens. Or pen caps. He doesn’t want to lose his new best friend, and his boss would reject Jack’s resignation anyway. Also, Cooter’s not his real name. Cooter Burger? He’s not a cartoon dog. The president nicknamed him Cooter because he looks like a turtle. And he picked up Burger because Bush saw him eating a burger. Once. And it wasn’t even a burger.

Jenna can sense that Liz is pregnant. People always underestimate her instincts because of her looks, but this is no time for backdoor bragging. This isn’t how Liz wanted to get pregnant. Jenna’s mom says you never do. She assumes it’s Floyd’s baby, but Liz tells her it’s The Beeper King’s. In her defense, they were together before Dennis tried to through her in front of a train. But who is Jenna to criticize? She had a three-way with Rosanne and Tom Arnold. “That was two years ago!” she protests.

Liz, though, is determined to be a kick-ass single mom, like Erin Brockovich or Sarah Connor. (Nice!) Jenna recommends she see a doctor to confirm it. And to pick her up some Aderall.

Liz comes home to find Dennis on her couch. He’s been hiding out for weeks so his mom doesn’t find out he’s not working. And he heard the doctor’s office’s call. Everyone of his sisters got that call in high school. And he knows what pre-natal vitamins are. Pre, as in before, and natal, as in ruined.

They’ll have the baby at the Coney Island hospital where he was born, he says. And if it’s a boy, they’ll name him Morpheus. If it’s a girl, Judy, in honor of a girl he boffed. By the way, he tells Liz, her boobs are going to get bigger. She doesn’t mind that.

Jenna plays Kenneth’s personal essay, a DVD of her singing and speaking. It’s one big backdoor brag. Kenneth can lift almost 100 pounds. He has 20 minutes to submit it. He’s going to make it! But he’s got to deliver 12 boxes of paper to the set first. That’s odd, but duty before self. He won’t fail Rainbow Chicken!

Back in D.C., Jack and Cooter, looking to get fired, dig up the Gay Bomb project that was scrapped in 1994. It’s expensive, impractical and offensive to both red states and the gayer blue states. But if they can find a congressional sponsor, this is the disaster they’re looking for, much like eating a burrito before sex. Enter Jack’s ex, C.C.

CC agrees to Jack’s plan, but only because she owes him a birthday special. Great cameo by Edie Falco.

Meanwhile, Tracy lets Frank demo the prototype of his video porn game. And Frank is touched to see he earned an “additional filth by…” credit.

Kenneth realizes he’s been foiled by Donny withe paper delivery distraction, and he has only 30 seconds before the deadline. Just then, Pete, in full Olympic garb, nails Donny in the leg with an arrow. Bizarre, yet creepy. As Liz leaves another freaky messages Jack, Kenneth pole vaults past her and makes it in the nick of time. And then he vomits. It’s all very Olympic.

Jack finally settles down at the end of the day  for a slice of pizza and listenst to Liz’s crazy messages. She’s really happy with the news, but by the last message we learn it’s not true. She’s not pregnant.

Next thing we see, he’s at her apartment. It turns out evaporated bull semen is the secret ingredient in her Sabor de Soledad puffs. They gave her the false positive on the pregnancy tests. Mexican women use them to stop their period for Cinco de Mayo, she explains.

But the whole experience made her realize she’s ready for a baby and she’s at an age where she no longer cares what people think. She should resist the urge to get a short haircut, though, Jack advises. She wants to adopt. She can’t use a sperm bank because the Duffy men use those like ATMs. Jack wants to help, but not that way. By the way, the president nicknamed him The Jacker.

Three months later: the gay bomb goes off in the Pentagon, and the Joint Chiefs get amorous. At 30 Rock, Frank brings Tracy the game back and says it was OK. He didn’t realize how long he was gone. His beard tells the tale, though. Tracy’s going to be rich. And in Beijing, an assassin shows up in Kenneth’s boudoir.

I don’t know what that’s about. I do know I’m going to miss this show.