After a frantic season of high school hookups and breakups, “Gossip Girl” ended its freshman year with a finale filled with—of course—hookups and breakups.

Which conveniently leaves all of our favorite Upper East Siders fantastically single for the summer.

(I’m envisioning a lot of Sex on the Beach—both the drink and the act—when the series kicks off Season 2 with the kids frolicking in the Hamptons. And Long Islanders, keep your eyes peeled: The show is actually shooting there this summer. Email me if you spot Blake Lively and Penn Badgley smooching…)

That said, I’ve gotta say last night’s season finale left me more than a bit underwhelmed: More storylines were crammed into that last hour than fashionistas at a Chanel sample sale.

Perhaps that was due to the writers strike, which may have derailed an original plan to reel out each of these couplings and uncouplings over an episode or two. But the show careened from Serena and Dan to Rufus and Lily to Nate and Vanessa to Chuck and Blair like an out-of-control car.

First, let’s dispense with Serena and Dan. To sum up, Dan the Self-Righteous couldn’t seem to forgive S. for lying to him for weeks about her big secret (ditching a kid who was o.d.’ing at a hotel). Meanwhile, she was willing to forgive him for sleeping with Georgina—even though he didn’t, except he “might as well have.” Wow, Mr. Sensitive, good thing you’re “the most understanding person in the world.” Ick.

So in the end, the two sad sacks split up. And quite frankly, after watching them kvech for the last few weeks, I’m glad they broke up—which I don’t think is the emotion the writers were hoping for. But no worries: Unless they’re booting Dan from the show—ha!—I’m guessing he’ll be mooning after S. again when school resumes. But maybe she’ll be with Nate?!? That’s certainly what was implied in Serena’s flirty Hamptons invite to her onetime lov-ah.

Because Nate’s single again, right? Oh please, I’m not even going to waste much space on Nate and Vanessa. If you blinked you missed them as a couple, so did anyone truly care that they were no longer dating? (I do wish I could blink and Vanessa would disappear from the show, however.)

Speaking of Nate, his former BFF, Chuck, was quite the stand-up guy last evening, keeping an eye on Nate’s ne’er-do-well father at the wedding. And sure enough, Papa once again disappointed his son.  Not by relapsing though, but by fleeing the country to avoid his upcoming trial. The two pals shook hands and made up, after Nate forgave Chuck for sleeping with Blair.

He also pointed out that this is the first time Chuck’s ever said he loved someone. So a drunk-on-love Chuck used his sweet toast to Lily and Bart to woo Blair, who quickly jumped back into his good graces. Total cop out.

The queen B. we know and love would NEVER let Chuck off so easily.

She would require flowers, jewelry and ignore all of his text messages for at least a week before even CONSIDERING Chuck as a suitor again. I mean, as Blair pointed out, the boy compared her to his father’s smelly old horse. And getting giddy with Serena about Chuck? Come on, did B. have an emotional breakdown or something? Even with her best friend, the ice queen’s never been so open about her feelings.

The only part of the scenario that rang true, of course, was the end. After Bart gave his son the big ol’ responsibility speech, telling him how his days of partying and women were behind him—a little much telling a 17-year-old that, but whatever—Chuck practically ran for the hills.

He wildly looked for the first halfway pretty girl in his path, Lily’s blond interior decorator (socialite Lydia Hearst in a horrible cameo). Offering her a rose from Blair’s discarded bouquet, his new chickie asked, “Who are you?”

“I’m Chuck Bass,” he purred, immediately reverting to his bad-ass ways. Thank goodness. A good Chuck? Please. The “GG” blog would have to shut down.

Meanwhile, did it look like Blair was too upset that he ditched her at the helicopter? From the goo-goo eyes she was making at that handsome passenger—and who was he again? I was too bored to figure it out—she likely won’t be crying over Chuck for long.

And as for Rufus and Lily, the show completely destroyed what I thought was the most interesting relationship on the series. The show kind of played with the idea that Lily was only getting married to Bart because Serena had asked her not to pursue Rufus. When S. told Dan that little tidbit, I thought that he might tell Lily to go for his dad—since he’d be breaking up with Serena.

But then that trail went nowhere, and la di dah, Rufus and Lily are all pals again. She’s getting married, and they missed their chance at true love again. Oh well! I mean, did I nod off somewhere during the show, or did that seem sudden to anyone else?

And while we’re on the subject of that wedding, would any self-respecting billionaire get hitched in the outdoor courtyard of a hotel? Why bother hiring security to keep out the riffraff when literally anyone on the street could peer through the fence at the goings-on?

But I saved the biggest brush-off to discuss last. What the hell happened to Georgina? Where was the big showdown? The drama, the suspense? Were they trying to keep Michelle Trachenberg from getting a bonus if she stayed on set another minute?

Because they sure shoved her off the show lightning-quick. One second Georgie is the devil incarnate, the next she’s a kid who shakes in her boots with one stern look from her parents? Give me a break. I understand that G’s story arc had run its course—I hear she’s not expected back next season—but they could have given her a more brilliant send-off.

All of a sudden, one phone call from Blair and Georgina is off to a wilderness boot camp for out-of-control kids?  First of all, are Georgina’s parents idiots? Their daughter ran away and they couldn’t follow what had to be a staggering credit card trail of posh hotel bills, bar tabs and shopping sprees? And second, if G is so scared of her folks, then why didn’t Serena give them a ring way back when she was being blackmailed?

Sheesh.

Sorry, boys and girls, I just didn’t love this episode. What’s the opposite of XOXO?

Until the fall, Upper East Siders….and I’ll keep you posted on all the “Gossip Girl” gossip until then!

(Photos courtesy of the CW)