‘Gossip Girl’ recap: ‘Never Been Marcused’
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- September
- 9
So the Queen B. is dating a real-life English lord now, and she’s intent on becoming his one-and-only lady-in-waiting.
Blair’s determined to forget about Chuck Bass, otherwise known as “that Bass-hole.”
(Which follows last week’s “mother Chucker” and “Bass-tard” lines: Clearly, the writers are having fun seeing how many near-curse words they can slip past the FCC.)
And how does B. try to hang onto Marcus, whose (step)mommy insists on approving all of his girlfriends?
By doing what she does best, of course. Planning a party.
Who cares that it’s a fake get-together, or that Blair’s poor maid is doing all the actual work?
Nothing stops Blair Waldorf from trying to make an impression on a royal family.
Unfortunately, “the Dutchess”—who turns out to be Catherine, the married woman having an affair with Nate—thinks the “lowly” Waldorfs are the equivalent of trailer trash.
Blair’s crack about how Catherine could only teach her about the dangers of “too much Botox” probably didn’t help, either.
Luckily, Blair was able to use Catherine’s lust to her advantage. She catches Catherine and Nate together half-naked, causing her to shriek another not-quite profane one-liner, “Oh, my f-ing God!”
Blackmail follows, of course. Was anyone surprised to see B. bargain with Catherine? You pretend to like me, and my lips are sealed.
Apparently, Blair could care less about her one-time true love, Nate, who’s become Catherine’s exclusive boy toy.
Turns out the U.S. government froze Nate’s family’s bank accounts when his dear old criminal Dad fled the country—and Momma Archibald is now desperate for money to cure her Manolo fix. Chuck was willing to bail them out by selling his burlesque club and giving them a loan, but Nate prefers to take care of things himself.
Except that by the episode’s end, Nate realizes the situation may be too hot for him to handle. He’s forced to cancel a date with Vanessa because of Catherine, who hands him an envelope of money.
What’s a four-letter word for “male prostitute?”N-A-T-E.
As for the rest of the gang? Well, the recently reunited Serena and Dan want to talk about all the issues that broke them up last year. But their habit of sleeping together first, and talking much, much later gets the best of them.
One bumpy Jitney ride and a few chocolate-covered strawberries later, and they’re right back where they started.
Ah well, that’s summer loving for you. It’s back to the big city next week!
And just a few side notes before I say ta-ta ‘til then:
• Leighton Meester is a gorgeous girl, but she needs to seriously stand up to wardrobe sometimes. Because high-waisted orange culottes with Bass Weejuns (A-ha! Is that a sly reference to Chuck?) is absolutely no one’s friend.
• Is it me, or is Ed Westwick (as Chuck) sounding more and more like Steff from “Pretty in Pink” with every episode? I’m just waiting for him to call Blair a bee-yotch and tell her to see a doctor. “Because that condition of yours could get a lot worse…”
(Photos courtesy of the CW)
This entry was posted
on Tuesday, September 9th, 2008 at 9:00 am by Heather Salerno.
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