Get your mind out of the gutter. If you saw the end of last night’s premiere episode of “Chuck” you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Not that the beginning was anything short of dramatic, either. “Before you do anything rash, I think you should know that I have the cipher,” sputters Chuck as he’s dangled by his ankles high above a busy street by Michael Clarke Duncan’s baddie character, Colt.

So begins Season 2, which, with any justice will begin to amass the ratings needed to sustain another few seasons with some stiff competition (“Dancing with The Stars,” “Gossip Girl” and “How I Met Your Mother”). Insert “Chuck vs. The Nielsens” joke here.

The “Chuck vs. The First Date” synopsis and analysis are ahead, so stop reading now if you’ve got the first “Chuck” ep DVR’ed and awaiting your perusal.

Because an entire season of “Chuck” would be difficult to pull off without its title character, NSA agent Major John Casey and FBI agent Sarah Walker bust in to free Mr. Bartowski while Colt escapes. And while Chuck disobeyed orders to stay in the car, he did manage to endear himself to them both by retaining the cipher.

In a video-conference debriefing with General Beckman and CIA Director Graham, the trio learns that the cipher is the final piece of the beta version of the Intersect, meaning once the government installs it, Chuck Bartowski’s days with the CIA are over. Thing is, he doesn’t know his life may be over as well if frenemy John Casey succeeds in a subsequent mission to kill him. Beckman’s just not comfy with the idea of two Intersects out there running amok.

Unaware that Graham’s “Enjoy the rest of your life” sign-off could refer to a considerably shorter span than he anticipates, Chuck begins to mull his life after the cipher is installed. Sarah dismisses his prospective career at Buy More, declaring he could get anything he wanted. Mreeow.

But when Beckman has a one-on-one with Casey, the cranky NSA agent is quick to defend the novice spy, pleading for another exit strategy.

“You have your orders, Major,” Beckman emphasizes. “Tomorrow night, eliminate Chuck Bartowski.” She abruptly signs off.

While Casey’s quick to cock his gun as the screen goes black, he laments, “I used to like the sound of that.”

Cut to the new and improved opening credits, which now gives props to more of the talented, diverse cast. I’ll say it again: I’ve always loved Cake’s song “Short Skirt, Long Jacket,” but it’s endeared itself to me even more since it’s become the theme song to “Chuck.”

Three consecutive laugh-out-loud moments greet the viewer after the first commercial break: Chuck’s waking up to the hysterically horrifying discovery of his sister Ellie and her fiancé Devon (a.k.a. Captain Awesome) sharing a shower; his still-in-shock eating of Nuts & More cereal (nudge, nudge) in front of them shortly thereafter; and his subsequent commentary after an understandably awkward silence:

“OK, first of all, congratulations, Devon on, uh, on, y’know, whatever God gave you there. Second of all, the door was not locked, so I’m not a complete pervert. And third of all, this is just another reminder of why I need my own place.”

He then confides in them that he’s thinking of taking flight from the Buy More to pursue other pursuits and they show their support.

At the Buy More, best buddy Morgan is there to greet Chuck with an elaborate war strategy for the Call of Duty video game. Chuck spots Casey, who’s almost too busy scoping out a sexy blonde to deal with the nerd’s request. With the perfect deadpan, Casey mumbles: “Not now, I’ve got a single white female pining for the Beastmaster.” (Note to the ‘09 Emmys: This dude deserves a best supporting actor nod for comedy next year. Seriously. Oh, and no more reality hosts hosting. Thanks.) Chuck thanks Casey for their time together: “You were always there to catch me when I fell, which sounds horribly cheesy now that I’m saying it aloud.”

Big Mike offers Chuck the opportunity to be the branch’s assistant manager, an offer New Chuck declines. Big Mike in turn asks him to interview and select the person for the position.

Another fantastic moment: The use of Flight of the Conchords’ hilarious “Foux da Fa Fa” as background music for the gratuitously sexy montage of Sarah Walker’s new cover job at the Orange Orange. Brilliant!

True, Sarah’s new undercover venue is not the Wienerlicious, but wow, the Orange Orange has its perks. At her old job, “My clothes smelled like sausage,” she says. Touché. So when New Chuck asks Sarah if she wants to go out on a date, her eyebrows jump and she barely contains her smile. And while she knows the government would frown upon the idea, she accepts. It’s their second attempt at a first date. No gunfight this time, they swear.

Cut to Chuck and Sarah prepping for their dates at their places. Eye candy galore for everyone, including the oft-celebrated shot of Sarah going from a matching black underwear set to a slinky purple dress. Wow.

Peppered in this montage are visuals of Casey prepping for his own date of sorts, busting out target practice with a wheel of prospective enemies. Ever astute, he hits the bulls-eye on photos of Osama bin Laden and Adolf Hitler and holds his fire at a pic of his idol, Ronald Reagan (and winks at him). But his shot misses badly when Chuck’s photo comes around. Hmm.

Casey answers the door to deliver the cipher to whom he believes is a government agent. But, whoops, it’s a member of Colt’s crew, who sprays Casey’s face with a toxic powder. Colt instructs his henchman to go to the “second location” to take out Chuck and Sarah, who’s without her gun because it’s a real date. Uh oh.

At the restaurant, sparks are flying between Chuck and Sarah. After Chuck takes a few moments to compliment Sarah, she smiles and says his comments are sweet and that he’s not so bad himself.

Chuck: “Please. I’m fantastic.”
Sarah: (Pause.) “Yeah. You are.”
Chuck: (Pause.) “What would Casey think if he knew we were doing this right now?”
Sarah: “It would probably kill him.”

Cut to Casey, crawling on the floor with powder clinging to his face like a toxic “Phantom of the Opera” mask. Who knew a protagonist on the brink of death could be so funny? He manages to give himself an antidote moments before Chuck flashes on everyone in the restaurant. Chuck and Sarah are surrounded by enemies, including Colt. Just as Colt appears ready to choke Sarah, the homing device on Chuck’s watch kicks in and a car races toward the restaurant window. Chuck wonders aloud: “Is that a Crown Victoria?”

Casey crashes through the window in his signature car. “Did somebody order drive-through?” Colt punches him in the face so hard, the pattern of his ring embeds itself in Casey’s cheek. The good guys manage to escape, but when Casey admits he lost the cipher, Chuck’s crestfallen.

Chuck awakens the next morning, dejected, but he must soldier on at the Buy More, where Morgan chooses not to apply for the assistant manager position. He wants to do as little work as possible. In the ensuing interview process, Anna toys with Chuck by running her foot up his leg. (“I like making my boyfriend nervous,” she coos.) Less alluring is Jeff’s napkin résumé, as is his own running his foot up Chuck’s leg. (“That’s not called for,” Chuck deadpans. “Or welcome.”) Lester references his own Wikipedia page.

But when Chuck flashes on the ring pattern on Casey’s face, he learns of Colt’s hideout and kicks the assistant manager candidates out of the room. Casey and Sarah prepare to head out without Chuck, who protests because Morgan has the interview process under control. That is, if you call a Thunderdome-inspired cagematch involving bungee cords “under control.” Upon Chuck’s return to the store, Big Mike sends him on a “computer emergency” that was called in by someone requesting Bartowski.

When Casey and Walker arrive at Colt’s supposed hideout, which is empty. Meanwhile, Chuck arrives at the supposed computer emergency site, whose front door is opened by Colt. D’oh.

About to be punched into submission by Colt, Chuck claims Colt and his crew is surrounded and recounts the military strategy that Morgan referenced earlier. When Colt cries foul, Chuck calls his cell phone to have Morgan repeat it. Panicked, Colt and his crew look out the window for proof, allowing Chuck to pilfer the cipher and grab about a 10-second head-start for an escape attempt. And although Casey and Walker are on their way for backup, Colt catches up to Chuck and punches him through a window onto the roof.

Once again, Colt dangles Chuck by his ankles high above the ground and demands the cipher. Despite being held at gunpoint by Walker, a fed-up Colt drops Chuck. Walker screams as she’s never screamed before and Chuck plummets to certain death. That is, before Casey is there to catch him (by the arm) as he falls. So it wasn’t just a cliché!

Thinking Chuck’s dead, Colt knocks the gun out of Sarah’s hand and the adversaries throw down with some martial arts. After both fall to the ground in a virtual draw. Casey ascends to the roof, where he appears to have the advantage until he’s surrounded by Colt’s henchmen. But then Chuck’s even larger posse of gunmen show up to outnumber (and arrest) all the baddies. And he’s still got the cipher!

That evening, Beckman holds another teleconference with Casey, reminding him to eliminate Chuck now that the cipher is being uploaded to the server. But in a rare display of rebellion, Casey protests yet again.

“Chuck served his country with honor. Maybe he even has potential as an analyst for the organization.”

But neither Graham nor Beckman is hearing it. And what appears to convince Casey is the realization that he cannot guarantee that Chuck won’t be kidnapped or tortured for his knowledge. Still, he’s hesitant. When Ellie and Awesome head out for a date and Chuck planning a quiet romantic evening at home with Sarah, the human Intersect is left vulnerable to an advancing, gun-toting Casey. (MAJOR SPOILER AHEAD!)

Meanwhile, Graham installs the cipher into a computer at CIA headquarters. But instead of embedding all the Intersect information into the brains of Graham and a half-dozen other CIA agents, the computer monitor connected to the cipher reads “Fulcrum thanks you,” then explodes, killing them all. Yes, Fulcrum — the (hopefully fictional) rogue agency set out to destroy the CIA from within.

As Casey is about to fire at Chuck, Sarah arrives at the front door and tells Chuck the date yet again will have to wait. The mechanical Intersect has been destroyed, she says, and a stunned Casey silently retreats. Chuck remains the only known Intersect. And his hopes of chasing his dreams are dashed.

Back at the Buy More, Lester — who apparently won the Thunderdome challenge — is harrassing Chuck as the new assistant manager. Chuck laments his future at Buy More with Morgan, who cheers him up by telling him that Jeff has agreed to eat 90 Twinkies in three minutes. When they run off excitedly to check it out the potential for the greatest death-by-Twinkie scenario since the metaphorical one explained by Egon in “Ghostbusters,” Chuck nearly brushes off a surprisingly cordial Casey:

Casey: “Good to see you there, Bartowski.”
Chuck: “Hey, Casey! Ninety Twinkies in three minutes. Be there.”
(Casey grimaces.)
Chuck: “Jeff might die!”
(Casey perks up, then runs to catch up to Chuck, who pats him on the back on the way to the back room.)

Solid, fun way to kick off the sophomore season. Fun for newbies and loyal followers alike. And outstanding plot advancement as well: No more pining Chuck; we all know how he feels about Sarah and he’s really starting to get a sense of how much she likes him as well. Graham appeared to kick the bucket, but don’t feel too bad for actor Tony Todd, who’s got about a gazillion TV and movie projects slated for the year ahead. (Besides, we all thought Bryce Larkin was dead, no? And Matthew Bomer’s made a pretty regular gig out of returning from the dead on “Chuck.”) And Casey, while loyal to his bosses, is beginning to see why Chuck makes such a good spy.

Next week’s episode, “Chuck vs. The Seduction” is even better. John Larroquette plays a legendary James Bond-like spy, and there’s yet another twist at the end of the episode that seamlessly carries into episode three, “Chuck vs. The Break-Up,” which ends with perhaps the most engaging twist of all three episodes. Stay tuned! (Please!)

(Photos courtesy of NBC/Universal.)