Oh, B. How could you not love Cyrus Rose right away? It’s inconceivable. And yes, that was a lame nod to Wallace Shawn’s “Princess Bride” tagline.

But seriously. Sure, as Blair so bluntly pointed out, the man looks like a gnome. However, he makes brittle Eleanor almost bearable. (Yet, in all fairness, if my husband had left me to cavort in France with another man—and not just any man, but a hot model who once worked for me—I’d be a little cranky, too.)

Most amazing, though, Cyrus knows how to outmaneuver Blair!

That’s pretty impressive, especially when you’re using Cyndi Lauper as part of your battle plan.

Seeing Cyndi make Blair speechless? Awesome. Not actually having Cyndi sing “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”? Bummer.

Anyway, it seems that, for now, Blair is on board with this new relationship. She’s not so keen on Serena’s new love, Aaron, who just happens to be Cyrus’s son.

Me neither. Aaron is doing nothing for me. I guess he’s supposed to be this older, cool artist hipster, but personally, I think he’s a pretentious wanna-be bohemian who looks like he needs a shower. I know Serena needs a transitional man to get Dan out of her system, but at this point, I’d take Mr. Judgmental Humphrey over this guy every day of the week and twice on Sunday.

I loved that Serena thanked him for his “condescending lecture” on dating etiquette, but hated that she accepted Aaron’s lame apology and ran off into the park with him in her indecently short nightgown. Girl, it’s November. I get the whole I-want-to-be-wild-and-carefree business, but it’s cold outside: It’s gonna take hours for your lady parts to thaw out.

But on to the real focus of last night, which was on the three other men in Serena’s life: Dan, Chuck and Bart Bass.

Anyone else think of a word that rhymes with “sick” when Bart rejected Chuck’s hockey tickets, saying he was too busy to go to a game with his son, and that Chuck’s gesture was “misguided, as usual?”

All turned out well between father and son, though, even if Bart’s incredibly quick about-face was a little Afterschool Special. Which, of course, means that he’s probably going to be the character to kick the bucket soon. More on that later.

Anyway, maybe I’m coming at Dan-as-a-writer storyline from an actual realistic perspective, but last night’s plot was absolute nonsense. A 17-year-old getting an investigative assignment from New York magazine? Which they would agree to run without a byline? I’m guessing that New York has enough fairly seasoned journalists to take on a profile of Bart Bass.

Having another writer use Dan as a source for the story because he knows the family? That I’d buy. Condoning Dan’s unethical behavior – like lying to Bart about why he’s interviewing him – is pretty farfetched, if for no other reason than the fact that Bart would sue the freakin’ pants off the magazine.

(And don’t even get me started on the fact that Dan’s suddenly drifted into journalism, when I thought he wanted to be a novelist.)

Not to mention that if Dan’s agenda was supposed to be a secret, how on earth did some random construction worker – who most likely wouldn’t have even seen Dan at Bart’s office – know he was writing a story and get a hold of his email address? Ridiculous.

Plus, having Bart suddenly break down and confess to Dan that some man died in that suspicious building fire was completely out of character. Although it did give me a giggle fit when Chuck was lurking behind that column, only to pop out at exactly the right moment to warn his dad that Dan was digging up dirt for an article.

Anyway, Chuck’s heartfelt plea to Dan – that the story would destroy his and Serena’s family – worked better than his usual go-to threat of destruction. Dan sent the short story he wrote about “Charlie Trout” to Bart, who discovered that his son thinks he blames him for his mother’s death during childbirth.

Turns out, Bart’s heart only turned ice-cold after Chuck’s mom died: He acts the way he does not because he blames Chuck, but because he reminds him of his lost love too much. And voila! Father-son bond is restored, which, of course, is why I think Bart will be the one to go belly up.

Because we can’t have a well-adjusted Chuck Bass, now, can we? We love our mother-Chucker tortured and twisted, and nothing will keep that going better than turning him into little orphan Chuckie.

And speaking of poor unfortunates, whatever happened to little J.? Surprise, surprise. Agnes the model turned out to be as much of a nutter as we thought, ruining business meetings and torching Jenny’s dress designs. At the moment, it looks like Jenny has no job, no clothing line of her own, and more importantly, no home.

Unless Rufus decides to sign those emancipation papers? Until next time, Upper East Siders, when we’re in store for a dramatic Thanksgiving episode.

XOXO…

(Photos courtesy of the CW)