And I thought miracles were supposed to happen at Christmas.

Apparently, on the Upper East Side, Thanksgiving is the holiday of wonder.

Chuck Bass skipping dinner and traveling to Brooklyn—gasp!—to help out an estranged friend?

The Captain doing the right thing and turning himself over to the FBI?

Jenny and Rufus reconciling?

Blair and her mother actually getting along?

Yes, it was a Thanksgiving extravaganza, one where almost everything ended with smiles and happiness.

Except for the van der Woodsens getting pretty ticked after discovering that Bart has fat investigative files on each and every one of them.

Oh, and Vanessa’s sneakier than we thought: Stealing Nate’s (semi) love letter to Jenny? For shame.

Let’s start the recap with the Archibald household, shall we?

The so-called magnificent Archibalds—Nate and his mom that is—slouched back to Manhattan for Thanksgiving after convincing a friend to let them housesit while they’re in Aspen.

It was a set-up, of course: Nate’s fugitive father was there, and the folks want to talk to Nate about moving to Dominica where the Captain’s been hiding out.

But really, the Captain is still a broke ass who wants to pretend-ransom Nate and his mom to Mama Archibald’s rich family so they’ll have money to live on. After talking to Chuck and Vanessa, Nate convinces his dad to turn himself in.

Boo hoo. But at least now the government will unfreeze the Archibald assets, including their house. (Is it really that easy, considering what I’m assuming will be massive fines for the Captain’s financial crimes and, you know, the fact that he FLED THE COUNTRY?)

Maybe they can at least get the electricity back on for awhile, though. And not a moment too soon. Nate’s hair has been looking a little scary without his daily blowout.

There was chaos at the Waldorfs, too, of course.

Blair got hysterical because her favorite holiday has been ruined by the arrival of Cyrus’s family.

He had the nerve to not only eat her pie, but criticize the nutmeg-to-cinnamon ratio!

They’re eating in a restaurant instead of at home!

And Eleanor and Cyrus are secretly ENGAGED?!?

So B. stormed out to wander the streets with the loyal Dorota in tow. Who’s the one who spilled the beans that Cyrus proposed to Eleanor. And whose ring tone for Eleanor is Britney Spears’ “I’m a Slave 4 U.” Tee hee!

Yet Eleanor actually did a nice thing for Blair by having her dad surprise her for Thanksgiving. Jeez, what was up with the writers last night? Mothers were pulling out fathers like rabbits out of hats.

It was true, though, that Cyrus proposed. So B. and Serena’s new boyfriend, the boring Aaron, will be stepsister and stepbrother. Eek.

(Oh yeah, there was a snorefest of a subplot about how Serena feels the need to lie to Aaron about her partying past, but Dan let it slip out. Whoops. I could SO care less. I never thought I’d be screaming to get Serena and Dan back together, but anyone would be more interesting than this guy. Even his facial hair annoys me. Dude, either shave or grow a real goatee.)

Speaking of the van der Woodsens, they’ve had a secret houseguest: Jenny. Eric’s been sneaking the homeless brat in under Serena’s nose and while Lily and Bart enjoyed yet another vacation. Lily finds Jenny’s emancipation papers and immediately calls Rufus in for a daughter-dad emergency chat.

And all it took was an “I love you” from Rufus for Jenny to skeedaddle back home to Brooklyn.

Meanwhile, a side comment from Bart about Eric’s boyfriend we never see (apparently because he’s cheating on Eric) prompts Chuck to reveal his father’s files on the family. (And how funny was that scene where the boys open the safe, with gold bars, paintings and a satellite phone? “It’s like the end of every heist movie ever made!”)

Needless to say, Lily, Eric and Serena are not pleased by this privacy breach. Creepy, right? And we now know what Lily’s secret is: She was once institutionalized as a teenager, just like Eric.

Lily and E – he’s an initial now, just like the other kids, cute! – are so mad, they leave their own dinner and crash the Humphreys’ Thanksgiving instead. (Where they must have a magic oven that can cook a 15 pound turkey in like, half an hour.)

GRRR, mean ol’ Bart Bass was spying on them though, and he didn’t like the little Humphrey-van der Woodsen family scene he saw from his limo window. One speed-dial to his P.I. and Bart hopes to soon learn what put Lily in the cukoo’s nest so many years ago. (Could it have been her breakup with Rufus?)

Of course, we can’t leave out the continued conflict between Vanessa and Jenny over Nate. They may be friends now, but when Jenny learns Vanessa stole Nate’s letter – and you KNOW she will  -  the claws are sure to come out.

That’ll have to tide you over for two weeks, folks.

The show is back on Dec. 1 with a winter-themed episode: It’s time for the annual Snowflake Ball.

I don’t know why these people continue to go to events like this. They never end well. Remember how dramatic that masquerade party was? And the debutante ball?

Ah, well, it wouldn’t be “Gossip Girl” if everyone just stayed home and played Boggle…

(Photos courtesy of the CW)