So we all pegged it, didn’t we, people?

The victim of Chase’s murderous rampage was …

OBVIOUS SPOILER ALERT AHEAD!

… Carmelita.

The death of the love of Patrick’s life certainly made an impact: It even got ol’ Tripp sentimental enough to donate a statue in Carmelita’s name to Brian’s parish.

So what exactly went down after those four bullets went off at Patrick’s swearing-in ceremony?

We found out, via a cheeseball TV news magazine interview with Nick and the Darlings, five weeks after the tragedy…

Jeremy hit his head in that tumble down the stairs, giving him amnesia. (How funny was Letitia’s cold, but honest, comment about her son’s challenges: “You know, Jeremy wasn’t the fastest learner the first time around.”)

One bullet grazed Nick’s shoulder. Two bullets went wide. Chase was gunned down by an NYPD officer: He didn’t die, but he’s now in a coma.

Chase’s last bullet, however, hit poor, poor Carmelita, a Darling “family friend.”

And in the pretentious words of Patrick, channeling Jackie Kennedy about JFK: “Now she is a legend, when she would have preferred to be a woman.”

(This last bit was pretty unrealistic: You mean, after five weeks, some savvy New York reporter wouldn’t have found out that Carmelita was transgender? We can be as P.C. as you like, but that little fact – coupled with Carmelita’s ties to the Darlings and a U.S. Senator – would have made mega-headlines. I can just see the New York Post cover now…)

Anyway, the main problem of this episode was the fact that Chase is still alive.

Tripp’s not happy because it keeps the incident in the news, not to mention the possibility that Chase could wake up and cause more problems.

Simon’s not happy because – somehow, and I haven’t quite figured out how – all this keeps Patrick from going to Washington. And he needs Patrick there to push through that big biofuel project. (Snore.)

So there’s a court case involving the right of the hospital to pull the plug on Chase. Nick reps the hospital, but changes his mind about the fight after Chase’s daughter gets on the stand and makes everyone weepy.

(Nick’s emotional because the relationship between a little girl and her daddy hits home at the moment: He and Lisa are fighting over custody of Kiki.)

Nick tells Tripp that he can’t just “eliminate people,” going on to imply that he still thinks Tripp is the one who killed his father.

Meanwhile, Simon’s answer to all this is to blackmail Nola (again, with that random brother we’ve never seen) into pulling the plug on Chase herself. Upset, she runs to Jeremy for help, and Mr. Amnesia tattles to Nick.

Which means Nick catches Nola, giving Patrick the opportunity to slip in to do the dirty deed. But he can’t. Carmelita wouldn’t have wanted it that way. Living is punishment enough, he says to Chase. (BOR-ING!)

Then there’s the whole issue of Brian and the church, and Brian’s marriage to Andrea.

He kind of wants out of the marriage, but feels obligated because of his obligation to Andrea and God. (He did make that deal with the Man Upstairs, you know, and the big guy kept his part of the bargain and cured Andrea’s cancer.)

But after his “welcome back” mass at the church – which he knows is going to hit up his family for more donations – Brian realizes that Andrea is the only person who hasn’t liked him for his money. He was actually sweet, saying that he got into their marriage for the wrong reasons, but he’s staying for the right ones. Awww!

Yet there’s that lingering question of who paid the $1.6 million for the church’s organ. Nick says it wasn’t Tripp, or he’d know about it. Based on the Biblical quote inscribed on the organ about fathers and sons, Brian floats the idea that Dutch may really be alive. (Remember, Dutch is Brian’s biological father, too.) His body never was recovered from the plane wreckage. Hmm.

So how did the episode wrap up?

Well, Karen took Kiki for some ice cream after bonding on some swings.

Kiki: “You’re nicer than Mom says.”

Karen: “Not really.”

Lisa goes bananas hearing about “Aunt Karen,” and decides to sue Nick for full custody of Kiki.

Jeremy confesses that he’s been faking his amnesia to help Nola save her brother from Simon’s clutches.

Tripp makes a surprise visit to Nick, telling him Chase “passed away in his sleep.” (Did he REALLY?)

He also tells him that Chase did do one good thing: Since he was an organ donor (another one!), his kidney saved a little girl’s life.

And P.S., Tripp says: I didn’t kill Dutch. I would have, if I’d known about his affair with Letitia before his plane crashed. But I didn’t.

Nick believes him.

So we’re back to square one, aren’t we? Who did kill Dutch George?

As Brian suggested, maybe, just maybe, before “DSM” finishes its run, we’ll find out it was Dutch.

(Photos courtesy of ABC)