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‘90210’ recap: ‘Hello, Goodbye, Amen’


So it’s the new year at West Beverly, and boy, were we in for some surprises.

Adrianna’s pregnant!

Sean’s a con artist!

Naomi’s an idiot!

Ethan has the personality of a napkin!

Dixon can sing!

Brenda can’t have kids!

OK, so except for those last two items, everything in last night’s episode was either predictable or stayed status quo. And honestly, does anyone care that Dixon can belt out a decent “Amazing Grace?”

I have to admit that Brenda’s medical issue threw me for a loop; I thought the show might give her something life-threatening in case Shannen Doherty decides to bolt down the road. Or maybe they’d make her preggers with Ryan’s baby, but obviously the Adrianna storyline scratched that idea. (BTW, Ryan was thankfully still absent from school, and I’m sure no one else missed his mopey mug either.)

But no, Brenda’s malady is infertility, due to a problematic fibroid surgery a few years back. And with that revelation, I’m guessing every teen watching said, “Ewwww.” Anyway, Brenda didn’t think she wanted kids until she couldn’t have them. (Great reason to become a mom!) So now she wants to adopt.

The first thing that hit me during this scene was the thought that Brenda would adopt Adrianna’s baby. This show goes for the obvious, so I’d expect that to happen, but next week’s trailer makes me think that the writers might be shooting for another hackneyed soap opera standard: A tragic accident that leads to a miscarriage. (Although a mishap in the chemistry lab is a new twist on the fall-down-the-stairs standby.)

Something else made me stop and wonder, too. What the hell is Kelly talking about with medical improvements, etc.? I thought she got knocked up after one wild weekend with Dylan. I vaguely recall some possible fertility issue from the original series, but if she wasn’t trying to get pregnant and needed some kind of medical intervention to do so, then how exactly did she conceive? Muy confusing.

As for the rest of the nonsense, I was most entertained by Annie’s attempt to play investigator, weren’t you?

Annie was acting on her IN-TOO-IH-SHUN by not trusting Sean – did you get that one, people? The writers were obviously concerned that you have a low I.Q., because they had to hammer that one home by having Annie apply what she learned about intuition in class to the situation at home. Sometimes you “see” things without using your eyes! Amazing.

Anyway, as we knew, like, three episodes ago, Scammer Sean is not the son of Harry and Tracy. He cooked up the scheme with the P.I. that Tracy hired, attempting to bilk them out of $200,000 by claiming that some bookies were after him. But Annie and Debbie to the rescue! When they insist that Sean take a paternity test before Harry gives him any money, Sean sneaks out of town in the dead of night. Not before getting the dough from Tracy, though.

I’m sorry that Tracy was ripped off and all, especially because she’s dumber than a box of rocks, but I couldn’t exactly muster up a lot of sympathy when she simply got her soon-to-be ex to fork over the cash. Her big loss was that she gave up a few divorce demands? What exactly did she lose? The ski chalet in Aspen? That ugly painting she didn’t want anyway? Boo hoo. Not much compared to losing your kids’ college fund or 401ks.

Not to mention, I wish Annie would grow a spine and tell Naomi off. Can’t she come up with any better comebacks than eye-rolling? Then again, it’s not like Naomi is the master of witty banter.  I couldn’t imagine that AnnaLynne McCord’s acting could get any worse, but she truly hit bottom with Naomi’s fake gushing over her supposed half-brother.

As for the rest of the episode, I can round it up in a paragraph:

Adrianna doesn’t know who the father of her baby is because she slept with a lot of guys she was using, including a random fellow rehabber who’s HIV positive. Dixon lies to Silver to hang with cheerleader Christina at the most fabulous cookout – Denzel, Dr. Dre! – ever held in L.A. Silver is jealous. But Christina’s not after Dixon, she’s got a girlfriend. Yes, she’s bisexual. Ooh, edgy. (And how exactly does being bi wipe away the possibility that she would be attracted to Dixon?)

That’s all for now! Tune in next week when we have the return of Navid (yay!) and Ryan (boo!).

(Photos courtesy of the CW)

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 7th, 2009 at 8:54 am by Heather Salerno. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
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