‘Gossip Girl’ recap: ‘The Wrath of Con’
I know Quentin Tarantino was (oddly) a recent guest mentor on “American Idol.” But when did the director sneak into the “Gossip Girl” writers’ room?
Because when Blair and Georgina started talking about Jesus and vengeance – with some choice quotes from Ezekiel 25:17, of course – I thought Samuel L. Jackson and his “Pulp Fiction” Jheri curls were going to pop out of B’s couture-filled closet.
Instead, that scene was when born-again Georgina began her descent back to the Dark Side, with lots of encouragement from the worst-crime-busting gang on the planet: Serena, Blair, Chuck and Nate. (And Nate was only along to provide eye candy and a reason to justify Chase Crawford’s paycheck.)
By the end, you all know what happened. Poppy Lifton absconded with Georgina’s bible camp money, and now G is pissed. So with a flick of her designer sunglasses and an imperious order to “follow that cab!” Georgina announced to Blair, “You can tell Jesus that the bitch is back.”
That line alone may have had the power to redeem this episode – if not Georgina – because otherwise, it was silly from beginning to end. SOMEONE had to take charge of Operation Revenge: Chuck and Blair were too distracted by each other to do their usual dastardly dirty work, and S. and N. are too dumb.
And who better than the old Georgina Sparks, who can be even badder than Blair when the Holy Spirit isn’t in residence.
Anyway, let’s take another look at the nonsense that ensued in last night’s episode, shall we?
Boy, our favorite Upper East Siders were off their game last night, from Serena’s ridiculous “I’m pregnant” ploy to trap Gabriel to the goofy Georgina-Poppy faceoff at the Russian Tea Room.
Finally, after Serena’s “cliche but effective” pregnancy lie, Gabriel agrees to meet S. at Chuck’s hotel. That’s so a few of Chuck’s surly, burly bodyguards can scowl at Gabriel until he tells the truth: He doesn’t have the money to give back. Poppy does.
Then we endured another five pointless minutes of Gabriel moaning about how he really did love Serena, with S. batting her sad cow eyes at him. Good grief. He’s a con artist. You got conned, Serena. Move it along.
But once Lily finds out about the scam – courtesy of Tattletale Dan – she insanely decides that the best course of action is to simply pretend that the investment didn’t work out and pay everyone back with her own money. Why? So Serena wouldn’t be implicated in the scandal.
Uh, Lily, your daughter has pretty much had sex in public, been carried drunk out of bars and left an overdosing kid to die. I’m guessing that this little debacle is pretty low on high society’s Bad Girl totem pole.
In the meantime, the gang decided to use Georgina in order to get Poppy on tape. Georgina poses as Sherilyn, the “Sex and the City” obsessed Canadian oil heiress who wants to get in on Poppy’s faux philanthropic, give-WiFi-to-poor-African-children opportunity.
Lily foils the plot, however, with her idea of getting Serena from this mess: Have my daughter arrested. Oh yes, that’s a MUCH better alternative. Have your 17-year-old sent to the pokey (with the trumped-up charge that she stole her great-grandmother’s bracelet) instead of having a responsible mother-daughter chat about her misbehavior. Like that’s not going to be the hot topic of conversation at the next co-op board meeting.
Now, not only is Lily’s relationship with Serena on the rocks, so is her relationship with Rufus.
Rufus was going to propose, but oops, better put that wine back in the fridge! He officially changed his mind about his Uptown Girl once he found out Lily had really put the equivalent of his investment in a fake money market account that would yield miraculous dividends that could pay for the kids’ college.
So not only is Lily a liar, she obviously thinks Rufus is too stupid to realize this and to look after his own dough.
Rufus also isn’t too keen on how Lily handled the Serena situation. Horrified, he hissed, “You’re just like your mother,” before skeedaddling.
Think that line was a throw-away? Nope, it’s the perfect lead-in to next week’s episode, when we flash back to the ’80s and see a young, troublemaker Lily and her whole family in action. (This is the installment that kicks off a potential spin-off series about young Lily for next season.)
Want to sneak a peek at Brittany Snow as the totally awesome teenage L.?
And totally ’80s hearthrob Andrew McCarthy is her dad!
By the way, the ep’s titled “Valley Girls,” which just makes me wanna sing that Franka and Moon Unit Zappa song…fer sure, fer sure!
(Photos courtesy of the CW)