I guess it says something about the quality of the Top 16 dancers when I honestly can’t pull out serious contenders for the Bottom Three tonight.

Sure, the judges (especially that cranky ol’ Nigel!) blasted Jonathan and Karla’s hip-hop, so those two will probably be in trouble. But otherwise? Anything goes.

And now that I’m thinking about it, does that say something about how great the dancers are, or how blah the routines were?

If pressed, I’d say the best were the sexy rhumba by Ade and Melissa and the butt-obsessed contemporary number by Evan and Randi.

Yet neither one exactly wowed me: Focusing on Randi’s tush was oddly fun, but for the usually wacko Mia Michaels, this routine was unusually tame.

(Also, the judges’ code word for “boring”  is now “simple.”)

So in the following breakdown, you won’t see a single “totally safe” in my predictions. And my picks for the Bottom Three are totally tentative.

Ah well, maybe next week will be more exciting…

KARLA & JONATHAN

(Hip-hop, Dave Scott)

Judges’ reaction: Nigel ripped this couple a new one, saying they couldn’t even get their head bobs and hat trick in sync. And gangsta? Nigel said it was more like a “Sunday school outing.” Mary agreed they weren’t in the right groove, and guest judge Toni Basil (who still has not learned the art of the sound bite) argued that their street moves felt “store-bought.”

My reaction: True dat. Although I thought Karla could have gotten a few props for being a bit smoother than Jonathan.

My prediction: Bottom Three.

ASUKA & VITOLIO
(Jazz, Mandy Moore)

Judges’ reaction: Nigel loved this thrash rocker Pat Benetar number, although he acknowledged that the routine was “simplistic.” Mary thought it was good, but didn’t “blow the roof off” like last week’s waltz. Toni thought they could have had more emotion, but belived they had the potential to become a really powerful couple.

My reaction: Again, this couple’s video did more for me than their actual dancing. I mean, how cute and sincere was Vitolio when he was trying to comfort a tearful Asuka, who wasn’t nailing the steps in practice? She was right to be upset, though, because she didn’t master the routine and was clearly uncomfortable onstage. Her moves weren’t sharp at all, and as Mary pointed out, their moves often weren’t coordinated. But I agree with Toni that these two are developing chemistry, and Vitolio’s manly stride at the end – with Asuka in his arms – was the routine’s best moment.

My prediction: Probably safe, but only because we voters are suckers for a gentleman.

ADE & MELISSA

(Rhumba, Tony Meredith)

Judges’ reaction: Boy, does Nigel love his naughty ballerina or what? He gave as much praise for Melissa’ skimpy gown as for her slinky hip swivels. Mary said they totally sold her on the “emotion” of the number. Toni saved her compliments for Tony Meredith and his partner, who she’d seen dance live, and were “hot.”

My reaction: We all know there’s no love lost between me and Melissa, but she and Ade were pretty great. Melissa was indeed a hot mama, although I still despise the fact that she smirks her way through every show.

My prediction: Probably safe.

JANETTE & BRANDON

(Hip-hop, Dave Scott)

Judges’ reaction: Nigel gave these two a lot of credit for working this rock-meets-rap dance, given their contemporary and salsa backgrounds. Mary called them “rock stars” and gave them her first scream of the night. Toni mumbled something nonsensical about nailing it…

My reaction: Nigel had it right when he said they looked like 50 Cent and Cher up there. Brandon was especially impressive; it was clear he really put everything into that number. Were they spectacular? Nope. But they were memorable and a whole lotta fun.

My prediction: Probably safe.

KAYLA & KUPONO

(Viennese waltz, Jean-Marc Generaux)

Judges’ reaction: Nigel loved the flow of movement from this new couple, who got paired together after losing partners Max and Ashley last week. But he predicted that the Viennese waltz isn’t a number that will  “make anyone stand up and cheer.” Mary disagreed, putting them on the Hot Tamale Train. Toni was impressed that Crazy Frenchie made them do a waltz without shoes.

My reaction: Kayla was stunning, but Kupono looked like he was really struggling. He got through it just fine, but I swear I could see him counting steps in his head. They were lovely, but Nigel’s right, this wasn’t something that would prompt voters to pick up the phone.

My prediction: Bottom Three.

EVAN & RANDI

(Contemporary, Mia Michaels)

Judges’ reaction: Nigel made up his own story about how Evan was an old man in the south of France checking out the cheeky (pun intended!) young girls walking by. His creepy, vivid imagination is apparently is a good thing, since he predicted that their routine “will be remembered.” Mary thought they were one of the night’s best. And Toni stated the obvious, noting that all of the dancers probably pray to pull Mia Michaels’ name out of the hat. (Duh!)

My reaction: Not incredible, but really, really cute. Personally, I wanted Evan to be a bit dirtier – a few raised eyebrows would have gone a long way. In my opinion, they deserve to be safe tonight – if only  to reward Randi for her bravery. As Cat pointed out, no woman wants 10 million people staring at her ass for three minutes – regardless of how toned it is.

My prediction: Probably safe.

CAITLIN & JASON

(Paso Doble, Jean-Marc Generaux)

Judges’ reaction: Nigel thought Caitlin had beautiful movements, but that Jason played a little more to the audience than his partner. As a result, the number lacked passion. Mary thought their performance was strong, though Jason lost his posture from time to time. Toni mumbled something about how they did a great job at a dance that wasn’t really a dance.

My reaction: Not hot. They got through it fine, but Nigel’s right, there was no fire. Instead of me think of sexy bullfighters, I kept thinking that Caitlin’s costume made her look like a cross between “I Dream of Jeannie” and Princess Leia in the gold bikini.

My prediction: Bottom Three.

JANINE & PHILLIP

(Broadway, Tyce Diorio)

Judges’ reaction: Nigel thought Janine rocked the “Dancing in the Rain” routine and her Bettie Page bangs, but that Phillip needs to “bring it” every since week. Mary said she expected a nightmare from Phillip – especially with that leap over the couch – but it wasn’t that bad. She called Janine “fabulous.” Toni thought they were “adorable” and a better couple this week than last.

My reaction: Oh please, Phillip was awful. Why can’t the judges bring themselves to criticize him properly? Being out of his genre is no excuse for not stepping it up. I’d say it’s unfortunate that Phillip is paired with the clearly superior Janine, except his popularity is probably what keeps sailing them to safety every week.

My prediction: Probably safe. Especially after Phillip’s pants-splitting moment, which I’m sure only served to endear him more to voters.

So “SYTYCD” fans, who do you think will be in the Bottom Three tonight?

Anyone you’d like to send off the stage for good?

(Photos courtesy of FOX)