My, my, it was an action-packed two hours on “So You Think You Can Dance.”

Mia made Brandon cry.

An alien tried to impregnate Jason.

Nigel confirmed that Katie Holmes will indeed do a song-and-dance number on the July 23 episode, the show’s 100th. It’s in honor of the launch of a new charity, the Dizzy Feet Foundation, that will give dance scholarships to at-risk and underprivileged kids. (More on that later.)

Now, I hate to rain on the parade after that warm-and-fuzzy announcement, but one other thing happened last night, too.

The show all but announced that it’s fixed.

That’s right. You heard me. Because I find it way too much of a coincidence that the show’s very first ballerina contestant just happened to draw the show’s very first classical ballet routine out of the hat. Please. What would happened if, say, Phillip and Jeanine picked that one instead of Ade and Melissa?

Two words. Do. over.

Well, now that I’ve got that out of my system, on with the couple-by-couple breakdown. And as much as I personally LOVED that wacky, weird alien routine by Jason and Caitlin, I suspect it will land them in the Bottom Three.

Again.

JANETTE & BRANDON

(Cha-cha, Jean-Marc and France Genereux)

Judges’ reaction: Brandon could have easily choked doing yet another out-of-his-element number in front of his harshest critic. But he didn’t, delivering with Janette what Nigel called the “best damn cha-cha” ever seen on the show. Mia graciously admitted defeat, telling Brandon that she’s hardest on the best dancers and that he is “amazing.” Which made him get all weepy, awww! Oh, and Mary gave them two first-class tickets on the Hot Tamale Train.

My reaction: Once again, these two were on fire. I loved that Brandon proved Mia wrong, and his tears seemed genuine, not a play for sympathy votes. I agree with the judges that these two are really coming together as a couple. In fact, they may just be the dark horse couple to beat in the whole darn competition.

My prediction: Totally safe.

KAYLA & KUPONO

(Contemporary, Sonya Tayeh)

Judges’ reaction: They all really dug Sonya’s life-death-vampire-chronicles routine, singling out Kupono especially for his performance. Nigel called him a “new man” up there, and Mia praised his “calm power” which reminded her of last season’s Mark. Once again, Mary called attention to Kayla’s amazing legs – and lines.

My reaction: I loved every second. And I wholeheartedly agreed with Nigel about Kupono; it’s amazing what a dancer can do when his heart and soul goes into a number. And Kayla? Hands down, she’s the best dancer in the contest. Which means she’s probably not going to win. I worry that she’s going to repeat Will’s fate from last year, heading home way before her time. But hopefully not before making the Top 10.

My prediction: Tough call. The “Twilight” theme might prompt voters to pick up the phone, but they haven’t seemed too fond of either Kayla or Kupono before now.

RANDI & EVAN

(Broadway, Joey Dowling)

Judges’ reaction: They were kind of lukewarm on this homage to Bob Fosse. And once again, they all were disappointed by Evan, who was in his genre and should have knocked it out of the park. Mary said Randi could have been “brighter” and Mia never wants to see her dance “heavy” again.

My reaction: You know what? This was the most I’ve ever liked Evan! He’s usually too much of the goofy nice guy for me, but I thought this performance showed he could pull off a slicker persona. But something was definitely off with Randi, especially after her amazing butt-centric routine last week.  Do they deserve to be in the Top 10, as Nigel says? No way. In my opinion, they’ve simply flown under the radar so far. But the judges and the fans seem to love them.

My prediction: Safe.

JASON & CAITLIN

(Jazz, Brian Friedman)

Judges’ reaction: They were not at all thrilled with Friedman’s out-of-this world number. Nigel called it “very weird” and called Caitlin’s latex costume a “dancing condom.” Mary said it just didn’t “sit right” with her. Mia enjoyed it, but thought the “tin foil” on Caitlin’s outfit made it look “cartoonish.” Not particularly constructive dance criticism, if you ask me.

My reaction: So sue me, I loved it! It was fun, it was crazy, and the pair of them really got into their characters. Unfortunately, my guess is that this kooky number will fare as well as Friedman’s last wacky routine with Max and Kayla.

My prediction: Bottom Three.

JEANINE & PHILLIP

(Hip-hop, Napoleon and Tabitha)

Judges’ reaction: They were crazy about this ball and chain, yes they were! Nigel said they should be chained together for life, and Mary pointed out that using a prop like that could have just as easily been a disaster. They could have tripped at any moment, but they didn’t. Mia wasn’t as enthusiastic, but if I’m reading between the lines correctly, she was hating the choreography more than the dancers. (Doesn’t there seem to be an unspoken rule that the choreographers can’t be criticized?) Mia thought the “chainography” took away from the hard-hitting hip-hop.

My reaction: First of all, can someone tell me when Napoleon and Tabitha picked up the “Nap & Tab” nickname?  As for the dancers, they earned the right to be safe tonight. I haven’t thought that before now: To me, Phillip’s been coasting on his popularity. But that routine was damn hard. Did I love the ROUTINE? No. I’m kind of with Mia on that one. However, I’m all for rewarding dancers who obviously worked their rears off to get it right.

My prediction: Totally safe.

MELISSA & ADE

(Pas de deux, Thordal Christensen)

Judges’ reaction: Brava, ballerina! The three of them couldn’t have been any happier about having a classical ballet number on the show. They cooed over how beautiful, gorgeous, superb it was – and Mia pointed out that it was pretty cool to have a “black and white Romeo and Juliet.”

My reaction: Meh. Now, I’m no ballet hater. And I’m all for a diversity of genres. But I just can’t get over my irritation over how the show clearly manipulated the dancers’ draw. A hat trick, indeed.

My prediction: Probably safe. But it’s hard to say whether ballet is going to prove popular enough to pull them through.

(AND NOW LET’S PAUSE FOR A VERY SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT ABOUT THE DIZZY FEET FOUNDATION. KATIE HOLMES AND CAT DEELEY, TAKE IT AWAY!)

Okay, and now for the final couple…

KARLA & VITOLIO

(Quickstep, Jean-Marc and France Genereux)

Judges’ reaction: Mary thought they brought the “kiss of death” quickstep alive. Nigel loved the quick change of Karla’s dress, though he felt they needed more bounce in the Charleston part of the routine. Mia said Vitolio confuses her with his unpredictability: One minute he’s a “wild horse,” the next he’s solid. And she thought Karla looked “scared at times.”

My reaction: I’m SO glad Mia said what she did about Karla, because right at the beginning, I said, “That girl looks scared to death.” She also seemed extremely stiff to me. Vitolio was fine, I guess. But the bottom line for me is that I didn’t really feel anything about this number. Didn’t love it, didn’t hate it. And I’ll bet the viewers at home feel the same way.

My prediction: Bottom Three.

That’s all for now, dance fans! Check back here tomorrow to discuss whether the right guy and the right girl went home…

(Photos courtesy of FOX)