Translation? All three of these terrific shows have been cancelled.

E! is reporting that ABC does plan to air the rest of the “Daisies” episodes that have been shot. We’ve only seen six of the 13 produced so far. But after that, Ned and a girl named Chuck will say bye-bye to TV viewers.

That doesn’t mean, however, that Ned will be sending Chuck back to the afterlife. Creator Bryan Fuller tells E! that he got plans to continue the fantasy/detective series in comic books and a big-screen movie.

As for “DSM” and “Eli Stone,” Entertainment Weekly says that ABC is allowing these series to finish production on their final episodes. Hopefully, the network will air them, too.

Not much more to say about this except …. sniff.

And that I can’t believe that we won’t be seeing more of these shows, yet somehow, we keep getting new installments of “According to Jim” and  “Scrubs.” (Sorry “Scrubs” fans, but this show isn’t that funny anymore, and I can’t believe ABC paid that much money to scoop it up from NBC just to extend its life by a half-season. As for “Jim,” there is just no explanation whatsoever.)

(Photos courtesy of ABC)

The catfight between Lisa and Karen was, without question, the highlight of the latest Darling family dinner.  But all things considered, it was a little hard to tell who exactly was the “injured party” of the episode’s title.

It, of course, referred to poor little Wrenn, the wide-eyed bicyclist mowed down by Letitia who was too drunk and busy belting out “Mr. Big Stuff” to pay attention to her driving.

Injured could also describe Karen, who seemed wounded but not surprised by Nick’s rejection. And Lisa, who found out about the lobby liaison (and relationship ultimatum) between Nick and Karen.

Then there was Nola (shocked that Letitia set up her affair with Jeremy), Brian and Andrea (upset about her dire odds at beating cancer) and Tripp (who got misty-eyed remembering his wife’s unfaithful ways).

I think the only one who wasn’t injured in this installment was Simon, but boy, he sure enjoys being the one to inflict pain. (On the other hand, that punch from Nick had to sting a little.)

So let’s break it down, DSMers, shall we? And tell me: Who would you have put money on if the fight between Lisa and Karen hadn’t been stopped?

Yes, my friends, it was the slutty bitch-slap heard round the world.

I hate to sound anti-feminist and all, but speaking purely as a TV viewer jonesing for some action, a show can’t go wrong with a good catfight. And this one was truly spectacular, possibly the best scenes on DSM so far. (And kudos to Natalie Zea and Zoe McLellan for seriously BRINGING IT.)

I mean, the one-liners alone – much less the requisite champagne toss and smack across the face – deserve some kind of trophy:

“Lisa! I smell trouble! Or is that your perfume?”

“Just walk away.” “Sweetie, if I do that, he’s just going to look at my ass.”

“You and I have never been of the same class, but I’m not afraid to fight above my weight.”

“Slutty bitch.”

“Now it’s a family dinner.”

Simon set the trap, and man, Nick, Lisa and Karen fell right into it. Mr. Elder used his security tape to push Lisa into leaving Nick, just as they were on the brink of reconciliation. And as we sort of gleaned from Nick’s office conversation with Karen, he seems relieved at not having to “do the right thing” by staying with Lisa.

It’s pretty obvious, too, that Wrenn will be a future love interest for Nick, one of the “nicer” guys she’s met in New York.

Anyway, the slugfest ended with Jeremy jumping to Lisa’s defense; after hitching a ride from him to the gallery, Lisa got a little revenge by sleeping with “just for tonight” Germs.

Nick got a little vengeful with Simon, who totally provoked an attack by telling Nick he can have Karen once he’s done with her. (If Nick was actually as smart as everyone thinks he is, he’d take a note from Simon’s playbook and tape some of the things coming out of that bastard’s mouth. Maybe THEN Karen will believe he’s up to no good.)

As for the rest of the Darlings, Patrick is still clueless about Nola’s connection to Simon. He’s going along with Nola’s suggestions as his chief of staff because he wants to make it in the Senate without Tripp’s help. (And how hilarious was Nola pretending that Tripp was deaf?)

Not surprisingly, Patrick is a big fat sucker, because the reason Nola wants him on the agriculture committee is so she can blackmail him later into supporting Simon’s new biofuel.

The twists and turns then got even more convoluted when it was revealed that Nola might not be as bad as we think she is. If I understood that conversation correctly, she’s not in cahoots with Simon for money, he’s got something on her brother.

My goodness, isn’t Simon just begging for some comeuppance? But I do so love watching that man take a shower.

That’s it for this week, everyone.

Tune in next week – and really, TUNE IN, because too few of you are actually watching live and the show’s now at risk of cancellation – when our favorite “Knot’s Landing” villainess Donna Mills drops by as an angry socialite who gives Letitia the what for.

Not to mention, JULIET DARLING is back in the house!

Do you need any more reasons?

(Photos courtesy of ABC)

The sophomore shows, plus legal drama “Eli Stone,” are still officially waiting for word on a full season pickup.

But unofficially, especially in the case of “Daisies,” Death is on the doorstep. And it doesn’t look like even Ned’s secret powers will be able to bring the quirky fantasy/detective series back to life.

The facts are these: “Daisies” wrapped its 13th – and possibly final – episode yesterday.

Which means that even if ABC kicked the show back into production today, there would still be a major gap between new installments. (You know, scripts have to be written, parts cast, sets built, etc.) Not exactly the most supportive scenario for a struggling show.

As for the rumors? Here are a few:

ABC has secretly cancelled the show, telling the writers to clear out their desks.

The network has no plans to wrap up dangling storylines or to announce that the show’s been canned.

The stars and ABC are continuing to promote the show as if nothing’s wrong.

If “Daisies” is axed, creator Bryan Fuller hopes to continue the stories of the Piemaker & Co. in comic books.

OK, that last one is actually true, believe it or not.

Adding to all this doom and gloom are reports that ABC gave its winter schedule to advertisers, and “Daisies” and “Dirty Sexy Money” weren’t on it.

“Eli Stone” was – but it’s said that its spot isn’t 100% secure.

Is there anything fans can do?

The only thing I’m sure of is that getting everyone you know to tune in next Wednesday – when both “Daisies” and “DSM” return with brand-new eps – couldn’t hurt.

(Photos courtesy of ABC)

Let me see if I’ve got it all straight. Nola and Simon teamed up to get Letitia convicted for Dutch’s murder. Letitia and Jeremy set up Nola. Nola blackmailed Patrick. And is Nick playing Karen?

Whew. Between all the misbehavior and the wardrobe department’s obsession with fuschia and lavender, I need to catch my breath.

That was seriously a whip-smart, head-snapping installment, possibly the best “DSM” to date. The show got off to a great start with its premiere, but the following episodes lacked a bit of sparkle. The last few, however, shows that ABC would do well to give this sudsy soap a full season’s run. Lately, the show’s been living up to its title: It’s been dirty, sexy and a whole lot of fun.

So let’s break it down by double-dealing, shall we?

Starting with Nola, Nola, Nola.

I’ve been complaining lately that the character has been going nowhere, considering that the show brought in Lucy Liu to spice things up this season. Nola’s affair with Jeremy was a bit blah, and I’ve been horribly preoccupied by the fact that she seems to have an awful lot of money for someone on the government payroll.

Except now it all makes sense! She’s on Simon’s payroll! I’m assuming he paid her handsomely to target Letitia as Dutch’s killer, even if the evidence didn’t point to her. (Apparently, it means someone else killed him, which no one else seems to realize, but I’m sure they’ll get there eventually.)

But her weak moment with Jeremy meant Letitia went free and Nola had to resign as a prosecutor—and she’s possibly going to be disbarred. So what’s a girl sent to set up the Darlings to do?

Blackmail Patrick into a job, of course. A few so-not-subtle hints about Ellen’s death and his relationship with Carmelita, and bing, bang, boom! She’s the new senator’s chief of staff. Which means Simon’s got a spy installed in the Darlings’ Washington outpost.

Now let’s move on to Jeremy. Boy, for a slacker, he really got around last night.

His secret ownership of Lisa’s gallery—revealed by Good Charlotte’s Joel Madden, no less!—led to a separation for Nick and Lisa. (And boy, is Nick a hypocrite. Lisa’s a liar? Dude, talk about the pot calling the kettle black.)

It also turned out that the plot to set Nola up for misconduct sort of backfired. Letitia got off, but Jeremy’s heart is now breaking because he fell for Nola. And if anyone believed Letitia’s “my poor baby” consolations were genuine, I’ve got a bridge in Brooklyn you may be interested in.

As for Karen, she doesn’t seem to know what to do about marriage to Simon. One minute she’s tasting wedding cakes, the next she’s considering leaving him for Nick. Again.

But I was happy to see that girlfriend actually stiffened her spine and gave Nick an ultimatum. I seem to recall Nick berating her not so long ago about how she couldn’t use him as her fallback guy. Now that his marriage to Lisa is on the rocks, he seems to be doing the same thing to her.  Except the good guy in Nick seemed to be clawing his way out, because his response to her “what’s it gonna be?” question was a weak hand gesture. He wants Karen, but knows it’s not the right thing for either of them.

And Brian? He continued his “interesting” method of parenting by getting his flu-ridden son all hopped up on Wii.

But the good guy in him came out, too, when he discovered that Andrea has cancer. He insisted that Andrea not return to Brazil, but not just because he wants Brian Jr. to stay in New York. He wants to be able to take care of her.

So what do we think, people?

Did Letitia really kill Dutch? Her conniving streak is being revealed more and more, and she’s on par with Tripp for knowing how to power play.

Will Nick say yes to Karen, even if it’s only to get her to back out of her wedding to Simon?

And here’s to the three best moments of the show:

• Brian to Andrea because the doctor has to check them for parasites: “First you move my son to South America. Now you’ve got me pooping in a cup. Kudos.”

• Jeremy to Nick after being accused of sleeping with Nola: “Easy, Miss Cleo.”

• The hilarious attempt by Brian and Jeremy to sneak off to Karen’s engagement party.

Tripp: “What’s in the box?”

Brian: “A puppy.”

(Jeremy trips, drops the box and kicks it, with no noise coming from inside.)

Brian: “We are so friggin’ dead.”

(Photos courtesy of ABC) 

Instead, he confronted his mom, Claire, whom he hadn’t seen in more than 30 years.

See, Mommy George up and left the family when Nick was a kid, which meant he was prone to wandering the cavernous hallways of Darling Manor feeling unwanted and unloved. (Although he was apparently good friends with a briefcase on wheels.)

So imagine Nick’s surprise when Nola announced that the surprise witness in her case against Letitia—for Nick’s dad’s murder, no less—just happens to be Claire George.

She’s been living in a fancy France chateau all these years, courtesy of Letitia and a $350,000 annual “stipend.” Seems Claire was the last person Dutch called before he boarded the plane that would take him to his death.

Nick stormed over to France, determined to prove Letitia wrong when she said it was Claire’s choice to leave New York. Nick is convinced the affair between Letitia and Dutch drove her away.

But in some of the rawest scenes “DSM” has had so far, Nick learns that Letitia was right.

Claire’s reasons for abandoning her son—that she didn’t fit in with the Darlings and New York society—was pretty flimsy. And then she continued to pretend to her French hubby that Nick is some trust fund lawyer instead of her son, even after Nick shows them photos of her granddaughter? Cold.

Yet I’m still confused about why Nick is so convinced that Letitia is innocent.

That story Claire told him, about how Dutch phoned her the day he died, to say he was leaving Letitia and wanted to start over again with her? Seemed to give Letitia a motive for murder to me! And that vicious hissing of Letitia’s when she was discussing Dutch’s relationship with Claire showed she’s got some serious anger bottled up inside.

So has Nick just become so smitten with the Darlings again that he’s willing to believe anything? Especially now that he’s vice chair of Darling Enterprises? I can’t believe Nick would be that gullible, especially since it seems like SOMEONE murdered his dad, and if it’s not Letitia, it’s probably another Darling. And to those who say, maybe he’s staying on to find the real killer, the show hasn’t done a very good job of setting up that possibility.

Anyway, while Nick was having Mommy issues, Patrick and Brian were having Daddy issues.

Patrick’s problem was Tripp, of course.

He wanted to confess the truth about Ellen’s death—at a debate, no less!—but Tripp convinced him otherwise by finding Paddy’s missing mistress, Carmelita.

Again, this scenario sort of strained credibility, even for an over-the-top show like this.

Does Tripp (or Patrick, for that matter) really think Paddy Boy can become a senator, and maybe PRESIDENT, with a transgender mistress on his arm?

Can Patrick be so dumb to think that he could unload his crimes at a political event and believe it’ll all work out?

And as a side note on the debate: Oh, Dan Rather, how far you’ve fallen.

I know you’re involved with that lawsuit against CBS and all, so maybe slumming in soaps is a way to make ends meet until that big payday rolls in. But didn’t you squirrel anything away during your “60 Minutes” tenure? Your cameo in the premiere of “DSM” is one thing; a second appearance as a journalist when your journalistic integrity is in question is another.

Now then. On to Brian.

He’s become a caring father to Brian Jr., despite the fact that he’s still having more temper tantrums than a toddler. He jets off to Brazil to kidnap the kid after learning that Andrea has been leaving Brian Jr. home alone at night.

That plan is ditched, though, after he finds out that Andrea has been waitressing at night because she doesn’t want to be supported by any Darling money. Seems that Brian would have noticed that she hadn’t been cashing his checks, but perhaps he just has an incompetent accountant.

Alas, even though Brian did the right thing in the end, it looks like he might be in hot legal water, too: Who’s going to believe that Brian Jr. stowed away on the corporate jet without his knowledge?

(And what’s up with the Darlings and planes? Kids sneaking on board with no one noticing? Killers tampering with engines? Methinks the family needs a new security team.)

As for the remaining Darling siblings, the show seems to be intent on continuing the asinine relationship between Jeremy and Nola. Not only are they a snorefest as a couple—and no, an appearance by the Weepies (whoever they are) did not jazz things up at all—but it just seems like this storyline is going nowhere.

And another thing: Does Nola have a trust fund of her own? Because I’d love to know how she affords a massive Manhattan apartment, fur bedspreads and a Mercedes convertible as an ASSISTANT district attorney. The chief D.A.—you know, the guy whose job she wants—doesn’t make much more than $150,000. I’ll bet her yearly bar bill totals more than that.

Then there’s Karen and Simon. He asked her to marry him I might have been shocked if he hadn’t been discussing his manipulation of her on the phone a few minutes before he proposed. We’ve known he’s been playing her—right?—but this seems over the line. Who, who, who is he conspiring with?

Until next week, folks, when we’ve got an appropriate pre-Election Day episode revolving around Patrick’s campaign. We see more of Carmelita—and Ellen’s brother shows up to cause trouble.

And we finally, FINALLY see the return of Juliet Darling!

Samaire Armstrong drops by to say hello, and presumably explain where she’s been. You know, since her sister-in-law died, the family’s suburban mansion burned down and her mom’s been on trial for murder and all…

(Photos courtesy of ABC)

The show started out with a news segment about the Darlings’ latest troubles on a fictional entertainment program called “VIP Insider”—a pretty inspired way of recapping Letitia’s arrest and Ellen’s death for the viewer.

But that’s about all that was inspired. Because by the end of the hour, I was wondering if the show’s need to get dirtier and sexier has gone to its head.

“DSM” is a melodrama, of course, so I’m willing to give it a lot of leeway. But after seeing this episode’s tendency towards the ridiculous, it definitely needs to pull it back a few notches.

What am I talking about?

Let’s break it down starting with Jill Clayburgh’s near hysteria…

• Letitia loses it! Look, Jill Clayburgh is a fine actress, and she was handed some lame material to work with. But let’s face it, she was seriously overacting last night. Shrieking like a lunatic after the press accosted her after her arraignment? Fainting at Ellen’s memorial service? When did she turn into such a delicate flower?

• A Darling heir must be named! In the end, Tripp blindsided the entire family and named Nick as the company’s temporary vice chair. Seems as if Nick is getting pulled right into the Darling quicksand—and he’s liking it a little too much. But that’s another story. Where the insanity came in was the back-and-forth of who Tripp would name as his successor. Jeremy obviously wasn’t a serious candidate, and hello, does anyone remember that he has a twin sister named Juliet? (It’s absurd that the show hasn’t even fleetingly addressed the fact that one of the Darling kids is nowhere to be found.) And since when is Karen a business genius? An MBA from Columbia, really? As for Patrick, how on earth could he possibly be considered for the post, much less take it on? He’s the state Attorney General, running for a Senate seat. Forget finding the time to take on a multi-billion-dollar conglomerate, it’s a little something called conflict of interest.

• Parading suitcases full of cash into a courtroom? Now that’s a way to alienate a jury pool. I get that having a bunch of goons actually walk $20 million in cash for Letitia’s bail makes for a good visual, but not at the expense of a truly idiotic moment. I’m guessing it was all part of the plan to get the good ol’ boy defense attorney booted, much like the missing legal paperwork. (Gosh, can’t those Darlings just do anything?!?) Yet it was still a serious eye-roller.

• Nola is Jeremy’s lover and Letitia’s “pit bull” prosecutor! Sheesh. If little Lucy Liu is to be believed, she got into bed with Jeremy as a way to handicap her case against Letitia to make the game more interesting. Maybe she’s lying and, as Jeremy suspected, this is a way to get dirt on the family. But if Jeremy was thinking with his brain instead of another part of his anatomy, he’d realize that all he has to do is tape himself with Nola for proof of their affair. That would be good for Mama Darling’s case, right? Blackmailing the prosecutor? Now that’s a good storyline, not this ludicrous lust that these two characters can’t seem to overcome.

•  Kenny G. plays Ellen’s memorial! Enough said.

“DSM” isn’t on next week due to the final presidential debate, which is kind of ironic, given that the show’s Oct. 22 episode features Patrick’s senatorial debate. That won’t go quite as smoothly as Paddy expects, thanks to Daddy Darling’s meddling…

And hopefully by then, “DSM” will have gotten its dirty, sexy, SANE groove back.

(Photos courtesy of ABC)

But it’s not nearly big enough to make up for all the agita that the Darling family puts him through, right?

“Dirty Sexy Money” roared back for its second season last night, as as I hinted a few weeks ago, it’s dirtier and sexier than ever. (Some of which can be attributed to Lucy Liu, who seems like a racy addition to the cast!)

So let’s dive in and hit all the high points, shall we? And of course, stop reading NOW if this episode is still wasting away on your TiVo…

• Ellen’s dead! OMG, if you’d told us that one of Patrick’s women was going to take a dirt nap, we’d have put money on his mistress, not his wife. (Although before getting that deadly bump on the noggin, Ellen strongly hinted that she’d taken care of the missing Carmelita…) But will the Darlings be able to cover this one up? Burning down their Valhalla mansion—with Ellen’s body in it – is one way to do it. Plus, Brian’s providing a sunburned cover story for Patrick.

• That limo ride with Jeremy and Nola! Hot, hot, hot, right? But why exactly was she stalking young Master Darling? I’m sure it wasn’t just to make him forget his broken heart. Which brings us to…

• That kiss between Jeremy and Lisa! These two reprised last season’s pot-smoking kiss when Nick stood Lisa up for his birthday dinner. (He did have a good reason: Advising Tripp and Patrick on what to do when you’ve got a dead body on your hands is a pretty great excuse.) Anyway, I loved that Nick clocked Jeremy instead of talking it out. Nick instantly forgiving Lisa? Seemed a bit far-fetched. No one’s that understanding, even if he felt guilty for having a naked Karen in his office earlier. That’s right…

• Karen took it all off for Nick! Sure, she was only using Nick as her “exit ramp” because she was freaked out by Simon saying, “I love you.” Not to mention her own feelings for Mr. Elder. I mean, not only did she not sell Simon out when he called her on being a spy for Tripp, but she even refused a kiss from Nick! (He was only into her because he was upset about seeing Lisa and Jeremy together.) But is Simon playing Karen for a fool?

• Letitia’s arrest!  Awesome set-up: We thought the police were crashing the party because Nick had ratted out Patrick for his role in Ellen’s death. But no, they were there to bring in Leticia for murdering Dutch George, Nick’s dad and her ex-lover.  Great way to bring that mystery back. I’d gotten so wrapped up in the Darlings’ universe, I almost forgot that was the whole reason Nick got sucked into the family drama in the first place.

So will Nick help defend Letitia? Will the investigators discover how Ellen really died? Is Simon using Karen? Where in the world is Juliet?

We’ll find out more next week, when Kenny G. performs.

Yes, Kenny G.

I may have to take back what I said about the show finally living up to its name. Because let’s face it, Kenny G.  is neither dirty, nor sexy…

(Photos courtesy of ABC) 

Don’t read on if you want to remain spoiler-free, but the second season definitely looks sexy.

There’s a hot romp in a limo with new cast member Lucy Liu—not to mention a Darling who gets buck nekked.

And it’s certainly a wee bit dirty.

One very married character is caught in a compromising position … and another one dies.

That’s right, we’re definitely saying bye-bye to someone!  And it’s not Juliet Darling: That’s not how they’re getting rid of Samaire Armstrong, who won’t be returning as a series regular this season.

Plus, by the time the hour is up, someone will be arrested for Dutch’s murder. (Remember that little mystery? It’s the whole reason Nick got involved with The Family in the first place.) And boy, it certainly wasn’t who I thought it would be.

Sigh. It’s not easy being stinking rich, is it?

Can’t remember why you loved “DSM” so much? Refresh your memory when SOAPnet reruns the entire first season on Sept. 27, just in time for the premiere.

Set your TiVos, everyone!

(Photos courtesy of ABC) 

PETA is holding its annual Sexiest Vegetarian Celebrity contest, and here’s the stars from Remote Access shows who are in the running (sorry if I missed anyone!) — and you can vote for one woman and one man, so you can choose your favorite two:

The women

The men

For the record, he’s been busy suing CBS and reporting for HDNet.

HD who, you say? I’m not surprised. I’m also guessing that’s why he’s got plenty of time to play himself on prime-time TV.

Michael Ausiello of TV Guide is reporting that Rather will return for another cameo on ABC’s “Dirty Sexy Money,” when the strike-shortened soap opera is back for its second season in the fall.

Last year, Rather played himself in a dinner party scene in the show’s pilot episode.

This time around, he’ll be interviewing Patrick Darling (Billy Baldwin) about a new book.

Could it be that the rising politician comes clean about his affair with Carmelita? (Hey, where is Carmelita anyway? Did you remember that she was missing?)

(Photos courtesy of ABC)

In addition to hits like “Desperate Housewives” and “Grey’s Anatomy,” the network brought back all of last year’s breakthrough—though not breakout—dramas, which had their freshman seasons cut short because of the writers’ strike.

They include: “Dirty Sexy Money,” “Eli Stone,” “Private Practice” and “Pushing Daisies.”

And as expected (or already announced), the network dumped “Women’s Murder Club,” “Men in Trees,” “October Road” and “Miss/Guided.”

ABC also announced one new drama, David E. Kelley’s “Life on Mars,” based on a British series about a modern-day police detective who is transported back to 1973 after a car crash.

The network also picked up a game show from producer Ashton Kutcher called “Opportunity Knocks,” which ABC Entertainment President Steve McPherson called a cross between “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” and “Who Wants to Be A Millionaire.”

As for comedies,”According to Jim” will be back for its EIGHTH season. (Jim Belushi HAS to have naked photos of someone high up, right?) The worst kept secret in TV was announced, too: That “Scrubs” will move to ABC, now that NBC’s dropped it. Both of those sitcoms will be back mid-season.

Speaking of mid-season, other shows scheduled to air in early 2009 include: “Lost,” “The Bachelor,” “The Goode Family” (an animated series) and a untitled beauty pageant reality show produced Tyra Banks and (again!) Ashton Kutcher.

In other news, “Ugly Betty” is indeed moving production from L.A. to NYC.

And David E. Kelley is coming back to write most of what will be the final season of “Boston Legal.” (Thank goodness.)

So who made up the big winners and losers of the upfronts? Let’s see:

WINNERS:

• Greg Berlanti: The Rye native and super-duper writer-producer saw all three of his shows come back: “Brothers & Sisters,” “Dirty Sexy Money” and “Eli Stone.”

• Zach Braff: Though ABC called the pick-up of “Scrubs” from NBC economical, I’m guessing the Braffster will still cash a whopping paycheck. And kudos for squeaking out one more season.

• Ashton Kutcher: He may have stunk up the big screen with “What Happens in Vegas,” but the former “That 70’s Show” star has been making it big on the small screen as a producer. He’s now got two shows in production for ABC.

LOSERS:

• James Patterson: Folks seemed to like the books more than the TV version of the part-time Briarcliff resident and blockbuster author’s “Women’s Murder Club” series. Any other year, the blah “WMC” probably would have been given a pass. But with a schedule heavy with critical favorites held over from the strike, the drama just couldn’t survive.

• Elmo-ites and Roadies: Head honchos heaped praise on “Men in Trees” creator Jenny Bicks and the small audience dedicated to “October Road,” but the network just couldn’t make the numbers work. Though I found it interesting that McPherson slammed NBC for changing the time slot for “Scrubs” a zillion times, when it did the same to “Trees.”

Anyway, ABC’s fall primetime schedule is below, with only a few time slot changes. We’ll have to wait to see where the network plugs in “Lost” and the rest in the new year.

MONDAY:

8:00 p.m. “Dancing with the Stars”
9:30 p.m. “Samantha Who?”
10:00 p.m. “Boston Legal”

TUESDAY

8:00 p.m. “Opportunity Knocks” (NEW)

9:00 p.m. “Dancing with the Stars the Results Show”
10:00 p.m. “Eli Stone”

WEDNESDAY

8:00 p.m. “Pushing Daisies”
9:00 p.m. “Private Practice”
10:00 p.m. “Dirty Sexy Money”

THURSDAY

8:00 p.m. “Ugly Betty”
9:00 p.m. “Grey’s Anatomy”
10:00 p.m. “Life on Mars” (NEW)

FRIDAY

8:00 p.m. “Wife Swap”
9:00 p.m. “Supernanny”
10:00 p.m. “20/20”

SATURDAY

8:00 p.m. “Saturday Night College Football”

SUNDAY

7:00 p.m. “America’s Funniest Home Videos”
8:00 p.m. “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition”
9:00 p.m. “Desperate Housewives”
10:00 p.m. “Brothers & Sisters”

UPDATE: 2:30 p.m. Since some folks seem to be wondering, it looks like last fall’s heavily-hyped (and critically panned) “Carpoolers,” “Cavemen” and “Big Shots” were canceled, too. Honestly, they were all so terrible, I completely forgot about them. Perhaps ABC hoped you’d do the same.
(Photos courtesy of ABC)

And E! is reporting that she’s in talks to join “Dirty Sexy Money” as a lawyer who faces off against Nick George (Peter Krause).

E! is also theorizing that she’ll be a romantic interest for Nick, too.

What is it with this guy? First Karen, now Lucy Liu?

Not to mention Nick’s married, though his wife was last seen toking up and smooching Jeremy Darling.

As for me, I think Lucy would be better paired with a far hotter “Dirty” star: Blair Underwood.

He’s involved with Karen at the moment, but since she’s double crossing him (we think), I’m guessing that won’t last long.

We’ll find out more this fall when “DSM” returns for its second season…

(Photos courtesy of ABC)

She agreed that it wasn’t exactly her idea to leave, though she didn’t give a reason why the producers decided to reduce her role.

She didn’t give a reason for her recent stint in rehab either, although she gave a pretty strong hint:

Surround yourself with good people who care about you and take a second to evaluate how you feel mentally, spiritually and health-wise when you’re not doing those bad things… To be able to exist without [those things]... to me, that is better than anything — better than success, better than being on drugs or being drunk. Just being happy inside…. I wouldn’t give that up for anything.

Armstrong was confident of two other things: She will appear in a few “DSM” episodes next season and Juliet WON’T be killed off.

Whew! Thank goodness.

That means “DSM” won’t have to pull a “Prison Break” when they need a ratings boost and have to bring a beloved character back – no matter how ridiculous the premise.

(Photo courtesy of ABC) 

Anywho, I kept meaning to hold up my end of the bargain, and I finally have. It’s the movie meme, and the idea is that I’m supposed to look up my 15 favorite movies on IMDB, choose quotes from them, list them here and make you figure out what movies they are.

Aha, but this is a TV blog, I hear you thinking! Never fear, I’ve got that all figured out. No worries, I didn’t choose a bunch of Lifetime women-as-victim movies. Rather, I started with actors from our favorite TV shows. Then, I found relatively well-known characters they played in movies, found quotes from them and posted them here.

So not only do you have to figure out what movie the line is from, but you also have to figure out which actor uttered it. To make things a weeeeeee bit easier, I’ll tell you the actors I selected, but they’re not in the same order as the quotes. I’ve alphabetized the actors, by last name:

Adam Baldwin (Chuck)
Alec Baldwin (30 Rock)
Summer Glau (Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles)
Katherine Heigl (Grey’s Anatomy)
Cheryl Hines (Curb Your Enthusiasm)
Jim Krasinski (The Office)
Hugh Laurie (House)
Chi McBride (Pushing Daisies)
Mary McDonnell (Battlestar Galactica)
Sandra Oh (Grey’s Anatomy)
Edward James Olmos (Battlestar Galactica)
Donald Sutherland (Dirty Sexy Money)
Kiefer Sutherland (24)
Skeet Ulrich (Jericho)
Ray Wise (Reaper)

NO CHEATING. You may not look the quotes up on IMDB and then get all the answers correct. You must use your brain; you know, the part of your brain that stores all that useless movie trivia. You all have it; if you didn’t, you wouldn’t be reading a television blog now, would you?

After the break, the quote list:

1. Now Sid, don’t you blame the movies, movies don’t create psychos, movies make psychos more creative! Skeet Ulrich in Scream (Erika)

2. Well, that’s ‘cause he’s the television version. America isn’t ready for the real me. Kevin Spacey in L.A. Confidential (Nick) (Note: Kiefer played the same character Spacey did in the unsold TV pilot, which makes this quote rather ironic, though ineligible for this quiz.)

3. Was that M.C. Hammer?

4. Don’t write this down, but I find Milton probably as boring as you find Milton. Mrs. Milton found him boring too. He’s a little bit long-winded, he doesn’t translate very well into our generation, and his jokes are terrible. Donald Sutherland in Animal House (Nick)

5. I don’t have to tell them right away, I’m only gonna start to show when I’m like, I don’t know, 6 months or something like that. Katherine Heigl from Knocked Up (Yvonne)

6. You’re getting really good at this; people might think you actually like it.

7. Boy, it sure would be nice if we had some grenades, don’t you think?

8. I am El Cyclone, from … Bolivia. One-man gang. This classroom is my domain. Don’t give me no gas, or I’ll jump on your face and tattoo your chromosomes. ... If the only thing you know how to do is add and subtract, you will only be prepared to do one thing: Pump gas. Edward James Olmos in Stand and Deliver (Yvonne)

9. My place is with you. I go where you go. Mary McDonnell in Dances with Wolves (Yvonne)

10. Tiny little vandals! Hugh Laurie from Stuart Little 2 (Yvonne)

11. They’re creepy. Creepy Italian trees. Of course, the baby’s going to like them cause it’s going to be a creepy Italian baby who goes around saying things like ‘Ciao mama’ and doing that weird backward hand wave thing. Life is strange.

12. If you haven’t noticed, my right boob is way up here in Maine and my left boob is danglin’ down here in Florida. Cheryl Hines from Waitress (Adam)

13. Today, thirty years later, I’m asking you twelve ladies and gentlemen to act boldly; to hold this defendant accountable and find him guilty … simply because it is right, it is just, and Lord knows, it is time. Is it ever too late to do the right thing?

14. You better be careful. You know those flight attendants ain’t like regular women, Viktor. They’re flying back and forth between all those time-zones kinda messes with their biological clock or something. Always ready for sex. Why do you think they can’t stop smiling?

15. It isn’t mine. The memory, it isn’t mine. And I shouldn’t have to carry it. It isn’t mine. Don’t make me sleep again. Summer Glau from Serenity (Nick)

Post your guesses in the comments section; I’ll cross ‘em out and give credit where credit’s due as the correct answers are posted. Extra points if you guess which actor.

File photo by Jesse Mobley/The Journal News.

Donald Sutherland almost played Kiefer Sutherland’s TV dad on 24, but had to turn down the part when he learned just how bad a father the writers wanted him to be, he told the BBC’s Newsbeat.

“We had a long dinner and he asked me to play his dad in 24,” he explained.

“I said OK but on one condition, the relationship has to be the same sort of relationship Sean Connery had with Harrison Ford (in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade).

“He said, ‘I’ll go back and see what the writers have in mind’. He came back and said, ‘No dad, they want you to try and kill me’. I said, ‘No way, that’s not going to work’. So they hired James Cromwell instead.”

Donald Sutherland said he didn’t think they’d ever go for that, but did he watch last season? I mean, c’mon. That’s about all they didn’t do.

The good news he had for 24 fans was that Kiefer’s jail time made him determined to make the next two seasons “the best two years of television in the United States.”

It seems that Kiefer was in solitary 23 hours a day. Here, lemme let Dad tell us about it:

Jail was tough for him. He had 48 days inside, 23 hours a day in solitary. It was very, very cold. There were no windows. He had no community. I also made a deposit at the prison so he could call out. We were given 14 minutes for every call. When he would call, you weren’t prepared and when I got to speak to him I didn’t get to say everything I wanted to. I wrote to him every other day though.

Just makes me have that much more respect for him, so I’m going to believe that if he says the next two seasons are going to bring us the best television in the U.S., I’m going to believe him, dammit.

Donald Sutherland photo: Louis Lanzano/Associated Press; Kiefer Sutherland photo: Courtesy of Fox.

Hiss!

One of my favorite Darlings won’t be seen too often when “Dirty Sexy Money” returns to ABC’s lineup in the fall.

TV Guide’s Michael Ausiello is reporting that actress Samaire Armstrong—who plays the fabulously ditzy twin, Juliet—has been downgraded from a series regular to a recurring guest star.

Ausiello says that the producers decided not to pick up Armstrong’s contract option, but would like her to stop by the show as her schedule permits.

No word on whether Samaire’s demotion had to do with the undisclosed issues that led her to enter a treatment facility last year (though she only missed a single episode last year).

The move also might have to do with trimming an already large ensemble cast. In other words: Cutting a salary would save some dolla-dolla bills, which is ironic when you’re talking about a show about billionaires.

And creatively, Juliet didn’t get a lot of play last year, and if they were ditching a Darling babe, it’s not like it was going to be Karen. (Perish the thought! I love that girl’s booze-soaked heart, too.)

Still, it seemed that the character of Juliet had a lot of potential. (Come on, don’t you want to know why the Paris wanna-be is still a virgin?)

Oh well. Perhaps she’ll skip off to the Seychelles with her island boyfriend, promising to return in time for Christmas and another Darling Nutcracker performance…

(Photo courtesy of ABC)

Who knows, but when a new show is over budget, behind schedule and has okay ratings, that’s never a good thing.

So when ABC made a post-strike announcement to bring back “Daisies” in the fall—instead of for a handful of new episodes this spring, like established series “Desperate Housewives” and “Ugly Betty” —creator Bryan Fuller saw it as sort of a blessing.

Fuller tells Variety that the extra time gave him a chance to completely rethink the direction of the show, which was in danger of careening off course, and plan the production more carefully.

One reason the quirky series was off track? Fuller needed more post-production time than originally anticipated (to put all those death-defying special effects and the show’s trademark color palette in place).

“Daisies” isn’t the only newbie to benefit creatively from the hiatus. Freshman shows like “Dirty Sexy Money,” “Private Practice” and “Chuck” are also being held over until fall.

But there’s always a catch, isn’t there? Show runners may be getting more time to pump up the volume, but that means there’s not much room for error next season.

As Josh Schwartz—creator of NBC’s “Chuck” and “Gossip Girl” on the CW—told Variety:

“No sophomore slumps allowed.”

So here’s a question: Would you have wanted more “Daisies” right now, instead of waiting almost a year for new, hopefully super-improved episodes?

(Photo courtesy of ABC)

I heard from a little bird that another fan movement was afoot to, once again, save Jericho, because it’s not clear at all that it might get a third season, based on relatively low Nielsen ratings.

So I figured I’d stick my two cents in. Don’t worry; I’ve been assured there’s no plan to send snakes (real or fake) to CBS hq. But don’t be surprised if you get more than a few letters and postcards with the following, 100 percent American, image:

Schumi’s post starts out:

Don’t trend on my love of Jericho. Don’t forget I’m here and I’m tuning in.

Count me…. and count on me!!!!!!!!!!!

Count on me to watch on tv sure.

But…..

Count on me more:
to watch online
to watch onDemand, and
to download your show from iTunes or Amazon
because that is where I’m watching my TV, like millions of others.

I’m a TV independent and I’m damn proud of it.

In fact, if you insist on measuring television viewership in the same way you always have, you’ll accelerate changes in viewing habits, because there will be less and less on regular broadcast television that interests many.

I can only speak for myself, so I will.

Other than the Oscars and some professional sporting events, I don’t remember the last time I watched anything at the actual time it started.

Sure, I have a few shows that are appointment viewing, including Jericho. But that appointment time is fungible. I have a DVR. I start watching Lost no earlier than 15 minutes into the episode, so I can watch it commercial-free. I did that with 24 last season, too.

The Wire has no commercials, but getting the kids to bed and straightening up and switching the laundry and donig whatever else I need to get done at the end of the day on a Sunday means I don’t often sit down at 9 p.m. to watch it. But it’s there, on my DVR, waiting for me.

Many other shows, I don’t watch anywhere close to their air dates.

Dirty Sexy Money helped get me through the holiday television break. The writer’s strike this year made the usually new-episode-light holiday season a vast wasteland when it came to original programming. No fear; I hadn’t seen a single episode yet of DSM, but the entire season to date was on the DVR. I watched every single minute of every single one and I’m a huge fan now.

I’ll go back even further: My husband and I had never watched the early seasons of Alias. My husband caught an episode, was interested and rented the first two or three seasons from the library. We were caught up in a week or two (granted, our youngest was still in the potted plant stage, so we had more time for such frivolity then). Ditto Gilmore Girls.

Look, CBS (and take note, ABC, NBC, Fox and everyone else): I don’t watch television the way you measure it. And based on at least one person’s experience with the Nielsen company, even if I were offered the opportunity to be a Nielsen family, I doubt I’d take it.

But I don’t mind product placement, so long as it makes sense and doesn’t sound like an advertisement. Take the bottles of Mountain Dew we saw in the soda cooler next to Dale in the third episode of Jericho (“Jennings and Rall”) this season.

It was a soda cooler, not a bookshelf. I noticed the soda, noticed it was Mountain Dew. That’s what advertisers are looking for, after all.

In the first season of Kyle XY, Sour Patch Kids was a major sponsor and bought product placement. Except for one awkward sentence of dialogue at the beginning of the second season, it wasn’t obnoxious or out of place.

For how many seasons did Jack Bauer drive only Ford cars on 24? So? That didn’t make it unrealistic to viewers.

If advertisers dislike DVRs or online streaming of episodes and don’t want those viewings to count in the ratings, tell them they’re out of step with reality. Tell them to get creative.

Now, I’m not saying to turn episodes of television into one long advertisement. But the old model of opening scene, commercial, few more scenes, commercial, repeat, rinse is just that. Old.

Heck, I’m practically 40; practically an old fogey already. I don’t even watch shows online much; I’m pretty technologically savvy, but compared to some of the young’uns I see, I might as well be using an electric typewriter and cassette tape recorder. This is the future and fighting it is only going to mean you’re going to have to catch up later.

Leading the way can be scary. You make mistakes, have missteps, sometimes get lost. But if you’re leading, you still get to the destination first.

When you follow, you always are trying to catch up. No matter what you do, you’re always behind. Is that where you want to be?

Didn’t think so.

Here’s what I want to know:
Which show gets the 9 p.m. Thursday timeslot? Lost or Grey’s? I know Supernatural fans are hoping Grey’s keeps it; a permanent slot up against Lost could be [shudder] the death knell.

“The Office,” “30 Rock,” “Gossip Girl,” “Grey’s Anatomy,” “Desperate Housewives” and more will likely be able to churn out a handful of new episodes by April.

But others—mostly newbies like “Dirty Sexy Money,” “Pushing Daisies” and “Chuck”—  probably won’t be back until the fall.

Then there’s “24,” which won’t return until January 2009, returning to the show’s standard winter premiere strategy—but leaving fans without their Jack Bauer fix for nearly TWO years.

As for serialized dramas like “Heroes” and “Lost,” the decision is a bit more difficult.

Networks and producers are trying to figure out if it’s worth the trouble to produce just a few episodes for the rest of this season, leaving viewers hanging in the middle of convoluted storylines until September.

“Lost” exec producer Damon Lindelof seems to think the island drama can crank out more than the 8 episodes we’ve been promised this season—but then again, it’s all up to ABC as to when they’d air.

E!’s Kristin Dos Santos got the scoop from show runners for some of Remote Access’ faves, including all of the above mentioned shows.  Check it out here!

(Photos courtesy of ABC, FOX and NBC) 

TV Guide’s Michael Ausiello is reporting that even though ABC has three more pre-strike episodes of “Dirty Sexy Money” in the can, they likely won’t air until September.

I’d been wondering when we’d see more of those fabulous Darlings, since I knew there were still a few installments lying around. Especially since it didn’t look like ABC had any plans of airing them during February sweeps, which would have made the most sense—considering the drought of new scripts in TV Land these days.

But all is not lost! Ausiello says that the network will most likely kick off a new fall season of “DSM” with those extra three eps, followed by an order of 10 more. So really, it’s kind of like the show’s been renewed for another year.

A silver lining, I suppose. Waiting to see the Darlings for a few more months is better than never seeing the Darlings again at all…I guess we’ll have to keep guessing where Carmelita went.

(Photo courtesy of ABC)

GLAAD, the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation, announced the nominees for its 19th Annual GLAAD Media Awards. As usual, just the TV nominees are listed here. Go to the GLAAD site for the full list here.

Here’s the TV noms:

Drama Series
Brothers & Sisters (ABC)
Degrassi: The Next Generation (The N)
Dirty Sexy Money (ABC)
Greek (ABC Family)
The L Word (Showtime)

Comedy Series
Desperate Housewives (ABC)
Exes and Ohs (Logo)
The Sarah Silverman Program (Comedy Central)
Ugly Betty (ABC)
The War at Home (Fox)

Individual Episode (in a series w/o a regular LGBT character)
“Boy Crazy” Cold Case (CBS)
“Do Tell” Boston Legal (ABC)
“Free to Be You and Me” Kyle XY (ABC Family)
“The Gangs of Camden County” My Name is Earl (NBC)
“Sin” Law & Order: SVU (NBC)

Television Movie, Mini-Series or Anthology
Daphne (Logo)
The DL Chronicles (here!)
The State Within (BBC America)

Documentary
Camp Out (Logo)
Cruel and Unusual: Transgender Women in Prison (WE tv)
For the Bible Tells Me So (First Run Features)
Freddie Mercury: Magic Remixed (VH1/Logo)
Small Town Gay Bar (Logo)

Reality Program
“Chase/Lane” Trading Spouses (Fox)
Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List (Bravo)
Project Runway (Bravo)
Who Wants to Be a Superhero? (SciFi Channel)
Work Out (Bravo)

Daily Drama
All My Children (ABC)
As The World Turns (CBS)

Talk Show Episode
“Born in the Wrong Body” The Oprah Winfrey Show (syndicated)
“Gay Around the World” The Oprah Winfrey Show (syndicated)
“Gay Athletes & Rappers: It’s Not In to be Out” The Tyra Banks Show (syndicated)
“Growing Up Intersex” The Oprah Winfrey Show (syndicated)
“Transgender Kids” The Tyra Banks Show (syndicated)

TV Journalism – Newsmagazine
Born in the Wrong Body (MSNBC)
“A Church Divided” In the Life (PBS)
“Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” 60 Minutes (CBS)
“My Secret Self: A Story of Transgender Children” 20/20 (ABC)
“A Royal Scandal” Primetime: Family Secrets (ABC)

TV Journalism – News Segment
“The First Casualty” Anderson Cooper 360 (CNN)
“Gay Homeless Teens” Uncovering America (CNN)
“Gospel of Inclusion” Uncovering America (CNN)
“Sent Away to ‘Change’” Good Morning America (ABC)
“Sex Change Controversy” Paula Zahn Now (CNN)

So I snagged the Remote Accessories’ Golden Globes picks from a previous post and reworked it to make it easy for you to see our picks and our predictions for each of the television categories. Come back later to see how right (or wrong) we were.

Will 30 Rock and Damages walk away with armfuls of trophies? Stay tuned.

Here we go:

Best TV drama:

Best TV comedy or musical:

Best actress in a TV drama:

Best actor in a TV drama:

Best actor in a TV comedy:

Best actress in a TV comedy:

Best supporting actress/TV:

Best supporting actor/TV:

Well, my fellow Remote Accessories and I have had a chance to mull these over and here’s some of our picks (and predictions) for winners, after the break

Brian:
Best TV drama: Big Love (should win), Mad Men (will win)
Best TV comedy or musical: 30 Rock (should/will)
Best actress in a TV drama: Edie Falco, The Sopranos (should win), Sally Field, Brothers & Sisters (will win)
Best actor in a TV drama: Hugh Laurie, House (will win), Bill Paxton, Big Love (should pick)
Best actor in a TV comedy: Steve Carell, The Office (should win), Ricky Gervais, Extras (will win)
Best actress in a TV comedy: Tina Fey, 30 Rock (should/will win)
Best supporting actress/TV: Abstains out of disgust at Jenna Fischer’s snubbing
Best supporting actor/TV: Ted Danson, Damages (will win), Jeremy Piven, Entourage (should win)

Chris:
Best TV drama: House (will win), Mad Men (should win)
Best TV comedy or musical: 30 Rock (should win), Extras (will win)
Best actress in a TV drama: Glenn Close, Damages (should/will win)
Best actor in a TV drama: Michael C. Hall, Dexter (should win), Hugh Laurie, House (will win)
Best actor in a TV comedy: Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock (will win), Steve Carell, The Office (should win)
Best actress in a TV comedy: America Ferrera, Ugly Betty (will win), Tina Fey, 30 Rock (should win)
Best supporting actress/TV: Rachel Griffiths, Brothers & Sisters (will win), Anna Paquin, Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee (should win)
Best supporting actor/TV: William Shatner, Boston Legal (will win), Adam Baldwin, Chuck (NOT NOMINATED BUT MY PICK ANYWAY!) [Amy note: I concur!]
Best actress in a TV miniseries or movie: Bryce Dallas Howard, As You Like It (should win; gotta support LoHudders!), Debra Messing, The Starter Wife (will win)

Heather:
Best TV drama: Damages (should win), House (will win)
Best TV comedy or musical: Pushing Daisies (should/will win)
Best actress in a TV drama: Glenn Close, Damages (should/will win)
Best actor in a TV drama: Hugh Laurie, House (should/will win)
Best actor in a TV comedy: Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock (should/will win)
Best actress in a TV comedy: Christina Applegate, Samantha Who? (will win), America Ferrera, Ugly Betty (should win)
Best supporting actress/TV: Katherine Heigl, Grey’s Anatomy (will win), Jamie Pressly, My Name Is Earl (should win)
Best supporting actor/TV: Ted Danson, Damages (should/will win)

Amy:
Best TV drama: Big Love (should win), Mad Men (will win)
Best TV comedy or musical: 30 Rock (should win), Pushing Daisies (will win)
Best actress in a TV drama: Glenn Close, Damages (should/will win)
Best actor in a TV drama: Michael C. Hall, Dexter (will win), Bill Paxton, Big Love (should win)
Best actor in a TV comedy: Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock (should win), Steve Carell, The Office (will win)
Best actress in a TV comedy: Tina Fey, 30 Rock (should win), Anna Friel, Pushing Daisies (will win)
Best supporting actress/TV: Rose Byrne, Damages (should/will win)
Best supporting actor/TV: Kevin Dillon, Entourage (should win), Donald Sutherland, Dirty Sexy Money (will win)

So how about you? Who do you think should win and will win? See this post for a list of all the nominees.

Here’s a look at the (television only) nominees, with my picks noted (as well as what I think will actually win):

Best TV drama:
Big Love (my pick — this season was outstanding!)
Damages
Grey’s Anatomy
House
Mad Men (what I think will win)
The Tudors

Best TV comedy or musical:
30 Rock (my pick)
Californication
Entourage
Extras
Pushing Daisies (will win)

Best actress in a TV drama:
Patricia Arquette, Medium
Glenn Close, Damages (my pick/will win)
Minnie Driver, The Riches
Edie Falco, The Sopranos
Sally Field, Brothers & Sisters
Holly Hunter, Saving Grace
Kyra Sedgwick, The Closer

Best actor in a TV drama:
Michael C. Hall, Dexter (will win)
Hugh Laurie, House
Bill Paxton, Big Love (my pick)
Jon Hamm, Mad Men
Jonathan Rhys Meyers, The Tudors

Best actor in a TV comedy:
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock (my pick)
Steve Carell, The Office (will win)
David Duchovny, Californication
Ricky Gervais, Extras
Lee Pace, Pushing Daisies

Best actress in a TV comedy:
Christina Applegate, Samantha Who?
America Ferrera, Ugly Betty
Tina Fey, 30 Rock (my pick)
Anna Friel, Pushing Daisies (will win)
Mary-Louise Parker, Weeds

Best supporting actress/TV:
Rose Byrne, Damages (my pick/will win)
Rachel Griffith, Brothers & Sisters
Katherine Heigl, Grey’s Anatomy
Samantha Morton, Longford
Anna Paquin, Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee
Jamie Pressly, My Name Is Earl

Best supporting actor/TV:
Ted Danson, Damages
Kevin Dillon, Entourage (my pick)
Jeremy Piven, Entourage
Andy Serkis, Longford
William Shatner, Boston Legal
Donald Sutherland, Dirty Sexy Money (will win)

Best TV miniseries or movie:
Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee
The Company
5 Days
The State Within
Longford
(no selection, as I saw none of these)

Best actress in a TV miniseries or movie:
Bryce Dallas Howard, As You Like It
Queen Latifah, Life Support
Debra Messing, The Starter Wife
Sissy Spacek, Pictures of Hollis Woods
Ruth Wilson, Jane Eyre
(no selection, as I only saw The Starter Wife and, as enjoyable as it was, I find it hard to believe it was the best performance out of these)

Best actor in a TV miniseries or movie:
Adam Beach, Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee
Jim Broadbent, Longford
Ernest Borgnine, A Grandpa for Christmas
Jason Isaacs, The State Within
James Nesbitt, Jekyll
(no selection, as I saw none of these)

Meanwhile, what if they held an awards show and no one came?

The Golden Globes awards show is scheduled for Jan. 13 on NBC. Variety reported this week that the show requested a waiver from the Writer’s Guild of America for the telecast, but that was unlikely to be granted. And during the strike in 1980, Powers Boothe was the only winner who showed up to the Emmy Awards (he got one for his role in Guyana Tragedy: The Story of Jim Jones.)

Stay tuned.

And coming later this morning: The Writer’s Guild of America’s own television nominees.

Highlights follow, but check out the full post here.

$63,000 — This is the median income for homes that watched ABC’s Big Shots, Dirty Sexy Money and Private Practice. Only NBC’s The Office ($73,000) and its lead-out Scrubs ($68,000) are higher. ...
24.1 percent — This is the “lift” in viewership for NBC’s The Office when you include the people who play back the show on their DVRs the same week. It’s the highest percentage, followed by Heroes (22 percent), Reaper (18.7 percent) Grey’s Anatomy (18 percent), House (17.6 percent) and Friday Night Lights (17.1 percent).
45.2 — The median age for NBC’s prime-time audience, down almost two years from last season, making it the youngest of the four major networks. CBS is still the oldest, with half of its viewers aged 52.6 or older. But ABC, thanks to Dancing with the Stars, has seen its audience age the most, going from last season’s 47.4 to 49.

It’s the time of year when fathers prostitute their daughters, ministers leave the church and transgender mistresses go missing.

What? That doesn’t happen at your house for the holidays?

Well, we are dealing with the Darlings on “Dirty Sexy Money,” after all.

Last night’s episode was a whirlwind of Darling offspring, from Karen and Tripp’s alliance against Simon to Brian’s crisis of faith.

Let’s break it down Darling by Darling, shall we?

Patrick: The eldest Darling kid isn’t all there in the smarts department, is he? His wife shoots him in the leg over his affair with Carmelita and he’s still lying to her. But the mistress problem may now be solved, since Carmelita’s gone missing. Anyone else suspect Patrick? Or could it be Ellen? (Though I’m having a hard time envisioning Ellen taking down Carmelita; that Amazon would eat Ellen’s lunch. Then again, Ellen may have Crazy Strength.)

Brian: The now half-sibling had a crisis of faith, after being suspended from his church post. (You know those church folk, they frown on little things like illegitimate children and felony arrests.) I loved his scene with Letitia: Did you notice her washing his feet, an obvious reference to Jesus and the apostles? Great writing here, too. Brian’s explaination that he doesn’t have the same kind of faith as other ministers? “Sure, I get weepy at Christmas and the Crucifixion kind of gets to me…”  Now he’s going to work for Darling Enterprises? Can’t wait to see what his new job turns out to be.

Karen: Holy smokes, who’d have thought drunken, marriage-addicted Karen would have the brains to pull off a double-cross of Simon?  No telling when she and Tripp cooked up the plan to have Karen whore herself out to learn some of Simon’s secrets. And what was it exactly about Karen’s dinner with Simon’s ex-wife (a literal princess) that got her so upset? The father-daughter scheme may be on the fritz, though: If Karen’s emotional involvement doesn’t wreck it, Nick’s insistence that Simon give up Karen may do the trick.  P.S. Did you recognize New Rochelle’s Gina Torres (“Alias,” “24,” “The Matrix Revolutions”) as Simon’s ex?

Jeremy: Well, his pretense of being a poor artist had some unexpected fall-out for Nick’s wife, Lisa. He convinces Lisa to get high in the art gallery—“We need to chillax!”—and the smoke ruins a sculpture and Lisa gets fired. But not before Jeremy plants a big ol’ smooch on Lisa. One that she looked like she sorta liked.  Oh yeah, and he tells Sofia the truth about being a Darling, and she dumps him anyway.

Juliet: My favorite little Paris clone was back this week—yay!  Actress Samaire Armstrong was in rehab for a bit, so the show explained Juliet’s absence by having Karen give Juliet her honeymoon in the Seychelles. (Right, like these people are worried about a non-refundable plane ticket.) Anyway, after giving Karen a hilarious, convoluted explanation of how to improve her life, she skipped downstairs to meet her new Seychelles boyfriend who’s come for a two-week visit. By the show’s end, Island Boy decides to stay in the lap of luxury instead of returning home. Hopefully, Juliet isn’t giving her virginity to a con artist.

I wish I had more to report on the next “DSM” installment, but there’s no word yet on when that will air. The show reportedly has three more episodes in the can before going on strike-induced hiatus.

My guess is that ABC will wait until after the new year to bring us some more dirty, sexy fun.

(Photos courtesy of ABC) 

“The Watch” marked the moment when “DSM” switched off the soap suds and showed that it could be a pure, honest, excellent drama—instead of a melodrama.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the show’s campy fun: Jeremy’s job was to lighten last night’s heavy load, as he enlisted Lisa’s help in his quest to keep Sofia by making her think he’s a poor, struggling artist. Best line of the night was his at Lisa’s art gallery: “Let’s nude it up!”

(SPOILER ALERT AHEAD!)

But overall, the episode was honestly heart-wrenching, revolving around Nick and the Darlings reaction to the revelation that Nick’s dad had fathered Brian.

There wasn’t much suspense in which kid (or kids) it would turn out to be: Karen would be too icky, the twins too confusing and Patrick simply not dramatic enough.

That Nick’s bro turned out to be Brian, plot-wise, was perfect. Brian is the Darling who has hated Nick all his life (for whatever his mean reasons). And Nick has always hated the Darlings for taking his father away from him.

And now, for all those naysayers who scream, “WHY ON EARTH WOULD THIS GUY WORK FOR THIS HORRIBLE FAMILY,” Nick has a third reason to stick with his job.

First, it was to find out who killed his dad. Then, as Lisa pointed out last night, it was to get money for his various charities.

Now, there’s an even more compelling reason. The Darlings are literally Nick’s family.

Peter Krause got the opportunity to really show off his chops in what’s been sort of a reactive role: He forced Letitia to admit the truth he’d been dreading and finally told off Tripp about how the family robbed him of a childhood.

And talk about heart-wrenching: The hitch in Nick’s voice as he asked Tish, “And Brian is my brother?” was killer.

If all this wasn’t emotional enough, there was also Brian dealing with Tripp’s rejection and losing custody of his son. Can’t blame the guy for his nasty streak, yet there was a glimmer of humanity (and hope for a deeper relationship with Nick) when he invites his half-brother to sit with him in the church.

And sheesh, I got seriously teary when Brian gave Dutch’s watch to Brian Jr. before he left for Brazil. When that little munchkin let his father off the hook for not being able to say “I love you,” I nearly busted out the waterworks.

All this, plus Patrick’s dilemma of having to choose his political career and wife over Carmelita. Lots of folks thought the transgender girlfriend was a gimmick, but their relationship has turned out to be one of the most loving on the show.

Whew!  Now that I’m thinking about it, that episode was kind of exhausting.

I imagine that the show will get back to its usual hammy hijinks next week—Juliet gets a mysterious visitor from the Seychelles and Nick finds out about Simon and Karen’s affair.

That’s a good thing, since the show couldn’t sustain this kind of emotional drainage every week. But for an hour, “DSM” showed that it’s capable of a lot more than just dirty, sexy fun.

(Photos courtesy of ABC)

Yay! Right?

Well, yes and no.

It’s great that ABC gave a thumbs up to this super-sudsy extravaganza; it’s a big deal, too, because “DSM” is the first show to be given that kind of approval since the writers’ strike began.

But that pesky writers’ strike is also the reason why we may not actually see much more of the Darlings this season.

Right now, it looks like maybe 13 episodes out of 22 will be finished before production shuts down. (That means only four or five more new ones will air after this week’s.)

Talks between the Writers Guild and media companies are set to resume on Nov. 26, right after Thanksgiving, so fingers crossed that the two sides will be able to come to a compromise.

It’s a long shot, but if a settlement can be reached, sounds like our regularly scheduled programming could be back on track by January.

But in the meantime, enjoy tonight’s special Thanksgiving installment, where Nick’s family joins the Darlings at their country home for the holiday.

From this photo alone, it looks like a hoot: Those outfits make me guess that a hunting expedition goes awry!

And here’s some scoop about the upcoming weeks: Karen gets a new man, and nope, it’s not Nick.

Guess who?
I hear she gets cozy with none other than Simon Elder.

Whoa!

And if that’s not big enough news, here’s more: Brian gets suspended from the ministry.

Don’t know exactly why yet, but maybe church leaders  are a bit peeved to find out about that illegitimate kid?

Ah, he wasn’t a very good reverend anyway. I’m sure Tripp will find him a job where he can put that nasty temper to good use.

So enjoy your turkey with the Darlings tonight: Nothing says Thanksgiving like a bunch of crazy rich folks, a boatload of booze and a family dinner…

(Photos courtesy of ABC) 

OK, technically, she did get married. But boy, asking Freddy for an annulment in the middle of her wedding reception? That takes major cojones.

Then again, Karen knows when a marriage isn’t going to work out. In her words, she’s a pro! Perhaps the fifth time will be the charm? By then, the rights to her wedding photos should have depreciated down to $100.

Oh well. Another week, another wedding.

“DSM” is back next week for a Thanksgiving Eve episode. This time, there’s no party in sight, unless you count a holiday at the Darlings’ country house as a major bash.

Meanwhile, Patrick’s wife, Ellen—tipped off to his transgender mistress by Simon Elder, unbeknownst to her—finally has her meeting with Carmelita to lay “some ground rules.”

And from this interview with Billy Baldwin, who plays Patrick, it sounds like it’s going to be a wild ride…

(Photos courtesy of ABC)