Instead, he confronted his mom, Claire, whom he hadn’t seen in more than 30 years.

See, Mommy George up and left the family when Nick was a kid, which meant he was prone to wandering the cavernous hallways of Darling Manor feeling unwanted and unloved. (Although he was apparently good friends with a briefcase on wheels.)

So imagine Nick’s surprise when Nola announced that the surprise witness in her case against Letitia—for Nick’s dad’s murder, no less—just happens to be Claire George.

She’s been living in a fancy France chateau all these years, courtesy of Letitia and a $350,000 annual “stipend.” Seems Claire was the last person Dutch called before he boarded the plane that would take him to his death.

Nick stormed over to France, determined to prove Letitia wrong when she said it was Claire’s choice to leave New York. Nick is convinced the affair between Letitia and Dutch drove her away.

But in some of the rawest scenes “DSM” has had so far, Nick learns that Letitia was right.

Claire’s reasons for abandoning her son—that she didn’t fit in with the Darlings and New York society—was pretty flimsy. And then she continued to pretend to her French hubby that Nick is some trust fund lawyer instead of her son, even after Nick shows them photos of her granddaughter? Cold.

Yet I’m still confused about why Nick is so convinced that Letitia is innocent.

That story Claire told him, about how Dutch phoned her the day he died, to say he was leaving Letitia and wanted to start over again with her? Seemed to give Letitia a motive for murder to me! And that vicious hissing of Letitia’s when she was discussing Dutch’s relationship with Claire showed she’s got some serious anger bottled up inside.

So has Nick just become so smitten with the Darlings again that he’s willing to believe anything? Especially now that he’s vice chair of Darling Enterprises? I can’t believe Nick would be that gullible, especially since it seems like SOMEONE murdered his dad, and if it’s not Letitia, it’s probably another Darling. And to those who say, maybe he’s staying on to find the real killer, the show hasn’t done a very good job of setting up that possibility.

Anyway, while Nick was having Mommy issues, Patrick and Brian were having Daddy issues.

Patrick’s problem was Tripp, of course.

He wanted to confess the truth about Ellen’s death—at a debate, no less!—but Tripp convinced him otherwise by finding Paddy’s missing mistress, Carmelita.

Again, this scenario sort of strained credibility, even for an over-the-top show like this.

Does Tripp (or Patrick, for that matter) really think Paddy Boy can become a senator, and maybe PRESIDENT, with a transgender mistress on his arm?

Can Patrick be so dumb to think that he could unload his crimes at a political event and believe it’ll all work out?

And as a side note on the debate: Oh, Dan Rather, how far you’ve fallen.

I know you’re involved with that lawsuit against CBS and all, so maybe slumming in soaps is a way to make ends meet until that big payday rolls in. But didn’t you squirrel anything away during your “60 Minutes” tenure? Your cameo in the premiere of “DSM” is one thing; a second appearance as a journalist when your journalistic integrity is in question is another.

Now then. On to Brian.

He’s become a caring father to Brian Jr., despite the fact that he’s still having more temper tantrums than a toddler. He jets off to Brazil to kidnap the kid after learning that Andrea has been leaving Brian Jr. home alone at night.

That plan is ditched, though, after he finds out that Andrea has been waitressing at night because she doesn’t want to be supported by any Darling money. Seems that Brian would have noticed that she hadn’t been cashing his checks, but perhaps he just has an incompetent accountant.

Alas, even though Brian did the right thing in the end, it looks like he might be in hot legal water, too: Who’s going to believe that Brian Jr. stowed away on the corporate jet without his knowledge?

(And what’s up with the Darlings and planes? Kids sneaking on board with no one noticing? Killers tampering with engines? Methinks the family needs a new security team.)

As for the remaining Darling siblings, the show seems to be intent on continuing the asinine relationship between Jeremy and Nola. Not only are they a snorefest as a couple—and no, an appearance by the Weepies (whoever they are) did not jazz things up at all—but it just seems like this storyline is going nowhere.

And another thing: Does Nola have a trust fund of her own? Because I’d love to know how she affords a massive Manhattan apartment, fur bedspreads and a Mercedes convertible as an ASSISTANT district attorney. The chief D.A.—you know, the guy whose job she wants—doesn’t make much more than $150,000. I’ll bet her yearly bar bill totals more than that.

Then there’s Karen and Simon. He asked her to marry him I might have been shocked if he hadn’t been discussing his manipulation of her on the phone a few minutes before he proposed. We’ve known he’s been playing her—right?—but this seems over the line. Who, who, who is he conspiring with?

Until next week, folks, when we’ve got an appropriate pre-Election Day episode revolving around Patrick’s campaign. We see more of Carmelita—and Ellen’s brother shows up to cause trouble.

And we finally, FINALLY see the return of Juliet Darling!

Samaire Armstrong drops by to say hello, and presumably explain where she’s been. You know, since her sister-in-law died, the family’s suburban mansion burned down and her mom’s been on trial for murder and all…

(Photos courtesy of ABC)

Don’t read on if you want to remain spoiler-free, but the second season definitely looks sexy.

There’s a hot romp in a limo with new cast member Lucy Liu—not to mention a Darling who gets buck nekked.

And it’s certainly a wee bit dirty.

One very married character is caught in a compromising position … and another one dies.

That’s right, we’re definitely saying bye-bye to someone!  And it’s not Juliet Darling: That’s not how they’re getting rid of Samaire Armstrong, who won’t be returning as a series regular this season.

Plus, by the time the hour is up, someone will be arrested for Dutch’s murder. (Remember that little mystery? It’s the whole reason Nick got involved with The Family in the first place.) And boy, it certainly wasn’t who I thought it would be.

Sigh. It’s not easy being stinking rich, is it?

Can’t remember why you loved “DSM” so much? Refresh your memory when SOAPnet reruns the entire first season on Sept. 27, just in time for the premiere.

Set your TiVos, everyone!

(Photos courtesy of ABC) 

She agreed that it wasn’t exactly her idea to leave, though she didn’t give a reason why the producers decided to reduce her role.

She didn’t give a reason for her recent stint in rehab either, although she gave a pretty strong hint:

Surround yourself with good people who care about you and take a second to evaluate how you feel mentally, spiritually and health-wise when you’re not doing those bad things… To be able to exist without [those things]... to me, that is better than anything — better than success, better than being on drugs or being drunk. Just being happy inside…. I wouldn’t give that up for anything.

Armstrong was confident of two other things: She will appear in a few “DSM” episodes next season and Juliet WON’T be killed off.

Whew! Thank goodness.

That means “DSM” won’t have to pull a “Prison Break” when they need a ratings boost and have to bring a beloved character back – no matter how ridiculous the premise.

(Photo courtesy of ABC) 

Hiss!

One of my favorite Darlings won’t be seen too often when “Dirty Sexy Money” returns to ABC’s lineup in the fall.

TV Guide’s Michael Ausiello is reporting that actress Samaire Armstrong—who plays the fabulously ditzy twin, Juliet—has been downgraded from a series regular to a recurring guest star.

Ausiello says that the producers decided not to pick up Armstrong’s contract option, but would like her to stop by the show as her schedule permits.

No word on whether Samaire’s demotion had to do with the undisclosed issues that led her to enter a treatment facility last year (though she only missed a single episode last year).

The move also might have to do with trimming an already large ensemble cast. In other words: Cutting a salary would save some dolla-dolla bills, which is ironic when you’re talking about a show about billionaires.

And creatively, Juliet didn’t get a lot of play last year, and if they were ditching a Darling babe, it’s not like it was going to be Karen. (Perish the thought! I love that girl’s booze-soaked heart, too.)

Still, it seemed that the character of Juliet had a lot of potential. (Come on, don’t you want to know why the Paris wanna-be is still a virgin?)

Oh well. Perhaps she’ll skip off to the Seychelles with her island boyfriend, promising to return in time for Christmas and another Darling Nutcracker performance…

(Photo courtesy of ABC)

US Weekly is reporting that the former “O.C.” star is in rehab, dealing with unidentified “personal issues.” She’s in therapy on an outpatient basis, and a source tells US that Samaire is only expected to miss one episode of the show.

Thank goodness it’s not tomorrow night’s episode: The feuding twins, Jeremy and Juliet, are throwing themselves separate $1 million birthday bashes.

Jeremy’s is on the Brooklyn Bridge—appropriate, considering that the disheveled dope usually looks like he crawled out from under one. And Juliet’s party will have a French Revolution theme: Ooh la la!

Best wishes to Samaire to get better—and good luck to Blair Underwood, who’s bringing some more sexy to the show.

He finally joins the series as the mysterious billionaire Simon Elder, who Nick thinks may have killed his father.

— Heather Salerno

They’re a cross between the Kennedys and the Hiltons, and they’ve got more problems than Britney Spears.

The show is anchored by Peter Krause, who had to be talked into doing another time-absorbing drama so soon after the draining “Six Feet Under.”

He plays Nick George, a do-gooder lawyer whose father was the longtime Darling family attorney. When Nick’s dad dies in a mysterious helicopter crash, the family persuades Nick to take over his father’s job.

The well-respected Krause is just one of the many greats in a star-studded cast, which features luminaries Jill Clayburgh and Donald Sutherland as Mama and Papa Darling. Even the NY Times praised the casting, including Bedford’s William Baldwin in the compliments. He plays Patrick, an aspiring Senator with a transgender mistress.

The youngest Darlings—a pair of twins—are fun, too. Samaire Armstrong (Anna on “The O.C.”) plays Juliet as an amusing spoof of Paris Hilton and Seth Gabel is Jeremy, a Poor Little Rich Boy who wins a yacht in a poker game—with arresting consequences—in tonight’s debut.

But there are two standouts to look for, whose names you probably don’t know: Natalie Zea and Glenn Fitzgerald as the two older Darling kids.

They’re not new to the business, but Zea’s biggest role so far was taking over for Susan Lucci’s daughter on the daytime soap, “Passions.” Fitzgerald has worked steadily, but in mostly small roles in films like “Flirting with Disaster” and “The Sixth Sense.”

“DSM” definitely provides their breakthroughs.

Zea is hilariously sad as drunken, slutty Karen, who has a habit of hooking up with gold diggers but still has a crush on Nick. And Fitzgerald is weirdly nasty as Brian, an Episcopal priest with an illegitimate son—who seizes every opportunity to hiss “I hate you” to Nick. (Trust me, the kid issue is low on the list of reasons why you wouldn’t want this guy in your church. Or anywhere near you, for that matter.)

Tune in tonight to check out the family—and pick your favorite Darling!

P.S. He’s not a Darling, but he plays a Darling pal on TV.

Newsman Dan Rather took time out from his CBS lawsuit to film a cameo in tonight’s episode. Look for him during the dinner party scene…

(Photos from ABC)